It became harder and harder to get it up with a real woman. My porn-fueled fantasies were invading my sex life. I have witnessed the damage that porn can do.
What really got to me was reading about Alina Li, the Chinese born adult actress, who retired from the industry, seemingly as suddenly as she had entered it. From 2013 to June last year, Li starred in dozens of films. Taken together, they add up to 44 gigabytes of memory on my hard drive.
Some of them are straight forward, male-female scenes. Many involve fellatio. I guess my interest in her films was down to how fresh-faced and inncocent she comes across on camera.
Sadly, it seems that Li got burned out by the industry and decided to
quit altogether. It was after filming a particularly brutal scene for the S&M website Kink that she announced her retirement. Speaking about the scene, she said:
‘The kink scene really pushed me out of the line and I told myself “that’s it, what’s the point of it? I am sick of this.” I do not blame the people at kink, they were doing their job. It was me that stopped enjoying it and loving it. I don’t believe I will make an return back to the business because I can’t look at it the same as I did when I first started it.’
I guess reading that made me question my own use of porn. I find it hard to justify watching it when I know that the performers aren’t necessarily enjoying it. It saddens me that there are sites out there that would do this to a lovely young woman. I suppose such sentiments are incompatible with the industry at large.
As for the effect that watching porn has on people, we’re still early on in terms of how much we know about the damage it can cause. But watching hours of close ups of things being in genitals can’t be healthy. When I wasn’t watching porn I was thinking about it. Sometimes I would fantasize when with a woman if I wasn’t very aroused.
Giving up porn won’t be easy, and there’s bound to be an occasional relapse. However, if Li managed to turn her back on the industry, then it can’t be too hard for me to do the same.