How to have an Asian girlfriend. (And how to keep her).

Many people have said that they want an Asian girlfriend. But there are some important things to bear in mind, because it’s really easy to be caught out when you’re from too very different cultures. These things won’t be so obvious in the early stages, but I guarantee that after a while they will be – especially if you’re thinking about shacking up together. If you follow these key steps, you’re more likely to have a much smoother and easier relationship with fewer of the issues that can and do arise in many WMAF relationships (or black or Indian and Asian, whatever). 

Number 1 – Be prepared to pay for everything. 

It can take some getting used to, but you have to do this, if you’re used to dating only Western women. For at least the first three months, make sure that you cover the cost of the dates and anything else that comes up. Make sure you pay for any cups of coffee, movie tickets, dinners out and other things. Not fair?? But it kind of is fair. You see, Asian women expect the man to take care of them, because they will take care of you in return.  You can minimise the damage to your wallet by only having relationships with straight -forward Asian women, who aren’t the type to expect VIP tables at nightclubs or front row seats to Bruno Mars. What tends to happen when you pay for everything is that she starts to take care of you in return, and that’s a wonderful thing. It’s more common for women to say that they want to split the bill when they don’t really like you – as I have found, this is because when they don’t have romantic feelings, they want to make this as clear as possible. It’s much better this way, I’m sure you’ll agree.

So what I’m saying is, make sure you never ask her to pay for stuff on dates, at least for the first month or so. This is something most Asian guys understand really well for the most part. Of course, you aren’t giving her money for clothes, bags and makeup, or you really shouldn’t be.

Number 2. When you have an argument, you need to be the first to apologise. 

With western style relationships, if one of you has a fight, it’s normally the one who was in the wrong who must aplogise. But with Asians its more about the man coming to the woman first, offering to comfort her after an argument. Let’s say that you have a disagreement which results in some time apart, and you wait for her to come to you. You’re making a mistake because she will carry a lot of hurt. It’s much better for the relationship to aplogise, so that she can see that you care for her all the time. 

Number 3. Take your damn shoes off!

You might be comfortable living somewhere where you leave your shoes on inside the house, but this goes counter to everything Asians believe in. It’s not worth arguing about, unless you’re Larry David or something, and you don’t want to make this into a sticking point.

Number 4. Remember birthdays and anniversaries. 

The big ones for Asians seem to be Valentines Day (she gets you something) and White Day, a month later, where you return the favour. Again, I think that the quid pro quo makes it better for men. It’s not like you’re doing everything for her and getting nothing back in return.  There are some more special days for couples, but most are for Koreans only. 

Number 5 –  Share your food.

Share your food. In fact, you should make sure that her plate is fully topped up before you see to yours (same goes for any woman you are with). You should aim to do the same thing when you go out for a drink, have a coffee, or eat something at a street-food stand.  It took me a while to do this. But it’s about showing that she is important to you and making her feel treasured, and not thinking of yourself first all the time. 

Number 6 – Talk about your relationship with her

I know most men aren’t very direct with their feelings. But the best way to keep your Asian girlfriend is to remind her of your feelings whenever you can . Do it as often as you can – send texts, cards, whatever. You can see how important this is from the app Between, which was developed in South Korea. They actually developed it so that couples could have  a private space to share all of their memories and words of affection. I’m not suggesting you go that far. But many men have said that Asian women like to text on average several times a day. Don’t date an Asian women if that seems too high. 

Number 7 – Show an interest in her family. 

She will want you to know about her family early on. And whilst you might not think that this is important, you need to show an interest. Once you do this, you’ll find yourself being warmly embraced, at least in most cases (I have heard some stories where her family are hostile but this is more likely the elders, who are dying off anyway, taking their prejudices with them). When she talks to you about her family, it’s her way of showing you that she wants to get close to you and that she wants you to be a part of her life. Some men might find this hard to get used to, but it’s normal for most Asian women to be very close to their family.

These are just guidelines from what I’ve observed. It’s really interesting when you realise how embedded people are to their culture. It goes for Asian women bought up in Western countries too. Don’t think that she is going to ignore all of her culture just because she has grown up in a different system. and if you are planning to stay with an Asian woman for a long time, or even marry one, there are more things to consider, but I’m not qualified to give an opinion just yet.

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