Category Archives: Personal

My birthday sex with high-class Asian escort

Stunning tight-pussy Chinese escort

We’re led to believe that Asian escorts are in high demand, and difficult to find.

Actually the truth is something different. If you seek any Asian escort and aren’t worried about the quality, you can find hundreds of women who meet that description. Unfortunately, most girls listed as a ‘23 year student from Japan’ are nothing of the kind. Most of my searches have led me on a wild goose chase as my efforts to find an Asian who matches the idea I have in my head have been frustrated by the cruel reality of a ‘bait and switch’, or a catfish in modern language.

When you search with a reputable escort agency, you realise that your options are fewer. At the top of the business, escorts may charge anything up to £600 per hour. In London, such prices are not unusual, and some girls will go even higher.  What you are getting is often not entirely clear, but you won’t have to spend that much for a satisfactory experience with a beautiful escort in London – usually it’s between 150 – 250 for one hour.

Haute escorts offers mostly European escorts, and seeing as it was my birthday in July, I looked through the website for someone whom I hoped could relieve my stress. As it’s the summertime, it seems that most of them are now on holiday. But after a phone call with the secretary of Haute Escorts, I was offered Erika. In actual fact, I hadn’t seen her offered on the website. When I made my initial browsing of the site, I hadn’t seen her profile listed. But since the woman I spoke to had ensured me that I would like someone petite, I felt sure that they were someone I could trust.

The details were relayed by text message and a time and location was fixed. Then we settled the price, and the agency explained that the total amount would cover the cost of the taxi to the hotel.

As I was getting closer to my appointment, I entertained ideas about my meeting with Erika. I still didn’t know her appearance…. As a rule, I like to know before I book a model. I dilly-dallied, before my curiosity led me to search for Erika, typing Erika Asian Haute escort, the search soon led me to a escorts page with a girl who matched her likeness. Soon, I was convinced that Erika was the girl I wanted to spend my time with, especially, as I was looking for someone that had the elegance and sexuality I was seeking.

For me, it’s not just enough that she is Asian. She needs to have the mindset and the personality to make the sexual encounter erotic, enjoyable, memorable. The pictures revelaed someone very busty, but with her face partially concealed. It was also hard to guage Erika’s age from the photos.. An old profile from four years ago listed her as being 24, which meant she would be in her late twenties now. She would therefore be an experienced escort, rather than a woman new to the scene. With age, you notice that some women become inured to the experience, but it’s always my hope that I can meet an escort who still finds the job pleasurable and has not become too cynical.

By Friday morning, I had re-confirmed with the agency that Erika would come to my hotel and I was just waiting to receive the room number. I should say that communications with Haute agency had been very positive and they made the experience very smooth from our first telephone call to the on-the-day meeting.

After a slight wait at the desk, I had checked in and got my room key-card from reception. I then let the agency know the number and it was a quick journey up to the room. I dumped the bags and was about to use the in-room kettle, when I heard a knock on the door. Usually, it’s a member of the hotel staff, or room service. But this time, the person standing in front of me was Erika. I had a quick look at her and led her into the room.

Erika was a lovely, pale-skinned Chinese women, possibly early thirties although no older than that.

The first thing I noticed was her extremely long hair which came below her waist. She was wearing a light summer dress with a light brown trench jacket and light brown men’s style shoes.  I was caught off guard temporarily by the fact that Erika was now here with me and it was about to begin, I hadn’t even thought of what I could say to her.

I had the money prepared in an envelope and then handed her the amount requested on the website. *

By this time, Erika had shrugged off her jacket which I hung up on one of the hangers in the wardrobe. By now I could see that she was very busty and her breasts were pushing out her dress. She gave me a full-on kiss although her tongue did not come out all the way. The next thing was to put her on the bed. Without any trouble, I removed her dress and let it fall to the floor. With my free hand I caressed her silky hair and enjoyed the luxurious feeling of it. I was feeling a variety of pleasant sensations that were almost overpowering, the most significant detail was having a sensual Asian woman alone with me and fully focused on pleasing me.

After kissing some more, I asked if I could lift her up and put her on the table night stand. Erika agreed, and as she is very light, I had no trouble lifting her up onto the counter.

She was wearing a tight black corset style bustier that kept her breasts mostly concealed. I had to pull them out and get a better look at them.

As a breast-lover, I’ve seen a lot of breasts in my time. I’m aware that Asian women aren’t the most endowed in this area, and I often feel somewhat short-changed if they aren’t. What I can see is that Erika had one of the most impressive chests I have ever seen. Light cream in colour with pink arealoe, they jutted out and sat perfectly outwards, her bodice had made slight indentations where it had pressed against her tits. I pulled the bodice down but I didn’t take it off completely, putting my hands between her legs and exploring her incredible upper body, gently kissing her nipples.

Erika made light moans and I took this as a sign to move her back on to the bed. I explained that I like to be dominant, but I also like to be dominated in return. She pulled on my nipples and then sucked and bit them, whilst I pulled down on her hair and felt my way down to her lower body.

Erika is a gentle, very light girl who is here to please. Unlike some Chinese escorts, she is very graceful and polite. Hence why she is a high-class escort rather than a 60 pound an hour girl on a vivastreet ad; when you spend more money, you can really see the difference. Another rarity for an Asian SW is her English speaking ability. Erika’s high level of English denotes an educated woman who no doubt has many qualifications and could easily have a professional career on the side. I will say that her fluent English also makes it far simpler to discuss matters related to sex and there is no chance of anything being ‘lost in translation’.

She asked to see my cock and then pulled my trousers down and released it from my briefs. Despite Erika’s dazzling body, I was not fully erect (something I put down to the heat in the room more than anything else). She went straight for a blowjob, making a firm seal with her mouth until I was fully hard. She continued for a good five minutes and then she moved to find a condom which she quickly rolled on my engorged penis.

I had a close look at Erika’s vagina. It was pale, like the rest of her body, and completely shaved, not even a trace of stubble anywhere. I then placed a middle finger at the entrance of her pussy but she insisted that I only touch the outside, I was a little disappointed.

I then asked if she would mind that I suck her toes – a fetish of mine – and she agreed. I was delighted by this and I jammed her feet into her mouth – she is a size 4 so this wasn’t difficult.

With Erika moaning more, I wanted to get it in, but I wasn’t fully erect, so she sucked me off again. As I grew hard, she put a condom on and entered her, but I couldn’t get the right angle and Erika needed to guide me inside. I was slightly worried at this point as it can be very frustrating for both the woman and myself when my dick is only partially erect.

I tried to get on top of her but I was feeling too sweaty in this position. We went back to the table and I stood up behind Erika in front the mirror – I should have used it sooner! It was great to see Erika’s magnificent breasts in front of me and the reflection of her serene face. Finally, I was fully hard.

We went back on the bed and moved her legs apart for doggy-style. I plunged into her and gave her several hard thrusts. The sound of her light orgasmic moans nearly made me cum but I stopped myself and moved her on to her back. I was able to get deeper this way and listened to Erika’s feminine cries of passion. Her legs are slim enough to be placed on my shoulders, as I was about to cum, I did something I normally never do.

The cum-shot in porn is usually directed on the face or chest, and I knew it had to be on Erika’s tits. Soon, I could feel my orgasm pulsing, so I flicked off the condom and let my cum flood out over her body. The cum shot across her right breast and the sounds of Erika’s surprise made me ECSTATIC. It was much more semen than I can normally produce in a solo session, which I put down to Erika’s skills and my overall horniness at being deprived of such a woman in my life.

The main part of our time was nearly over, but I wanted to experience a massage, and Erika gave me one (although she didn’t have any oil). I would have loved a happy ending, but I was in detumescence, so I let her continue the massage and returned the favour to her, which she very much enjoyed.

I asked her a little about her personal experiences of men and how long they normally last. Perhaps I could have asked if she enjoys it, but I didn’t venture this question.

A knock on the door sent Erika under the covers, but it was room service delivering a birthday dessert.

We shared the chocolate mousse together, and the conversation moved to her work and her general life. I was and still am intrigued to learn more about Erika and what drives her to do this work. I would also enjoy learning about her intimate desires and what she enjoys doing sexually. I thoroughly enjoyed my time with Erika, her delightful personality and natural warmth makes her easy to love. We talked a little about her life and whether she can have a relationship. Like everyone, this is not easy to achieve, and much harder for an escort.  I am looking forward to getting to know Erika more – and on our next session I intend to do exactly that.

Date of booking: Friday, 9th July

Place: London Kensignotn Hilton.

*Erika’s price is £150 an hour. £200 for an outcall which included taxi fare. If you have an incall, you never know exactly what time the girl will be ready. There are pros and cons to both.

Asian Crush

The Asian ‘girlfriend experience’ in two American movies

If we take a look at depictions of Asian women is some famous American films, we can get an idea of how certain ideas and stereotypes have gained a hold in people’s understanding of Asian women. I want to look at two American films that show relationships between a white man and an Asian woman.

Wayne’s World.

Released in 1992, the film is a full length feature about two slacker types who run their own TV show from their basement. The men are typical of the audience the film was presumably aimed at. Whilst Garth has his own dream woman in the form of a blonde fantasy goddess, it’s Cassandra (Tia Carrere) who is the object of Wayne’s affection.  That the actress  playing Cassandra Wong is not Chinese but Hawaiian is beside the point – most of the time Hollywood will choose actresses who look only part Asian rather than look for an Asian-born actress who can speak fluent English.

Cassandra, Wayne’s World

Cassandra is by no means a submissive Asian woman, but it’s interesting to see how her Asian-ness is at times highlighted in the film. For example, she wears a traditional Chinese dress when meeting her father with Wayne. This is a very curious scene since it plays into the fears white men have of dating an Asian woman. Most commonly these relate to feeling inadequate, especially in the eyes of the girl’s family.

When Wayne meets Cassandra’s father, he needs to show him that he is good enough for his daughter.

In another scene, Cassandra orders Wayne a Chinese takeaway. She’s far from an ‘easy’ woman, in fact she’s not terribly interested in Wayne until he shows that he has the ability to be successful. At the same time, Cassandra is seem to be in every way the perfect girlfriend. It doesn’t hurt that Carerre looks gorgeous in the film. She looks good in every scene, whether it’s the red lace dress she wears performing on TV, the bikini she wears in a dream montage, or the leather outfit for the video shoot. These aren’t the clothes that would normally be worn by a rock singer, even a grunge singer would wear much less revealing outfits. In case we had an idea that Asian women are submissive, the film has Cassandra executing a perfect flying kick to a drunk gig-goer who gets in her way.

scene from a fantasy sequence showing Cassandra as the partner of Rob Lowe

The Social Network, 2010

The second example of an Asian woman girlfriend comes from the film that covers the origins of Facebook. Brenda Song plays Christy, a student at Harvard who meets Eduardo Saverin when he is at a speech given by Bill Gates. Although Christy is not the main character in the film, she makes quite an impact. The film has already explicitly mentioned Asian women as being attracted to Jewish guys, “and you don’t need an algorithm to work it out. “They’re not Jewish and they can’t dance,” says Eduardo at a party scene.

If Cassandra is in many ways the ideal Asian girlfriend, Christy is the exact opposite. Firstly, she is shown to be jealous and controlling of Eduardo to the point that she openly accuses him of being unfaithful because he hasn’t changed his relationship status from single on the website he co-created. In another scene, Mark asks Eduardo how his relationship with Christy is. ‘It’s terrible, she’s controlling and incredibly jealous. I’m scared of her.’ In the next scene, Eduardo gives his girlfriend a gift in an attempt to mollify her. Instead, she flies into a rage and then sets the scarf on fire. It’s as if the film is sending out a warning to viewers that they shouldn’t become romantically involved with Asian women, unless it’s to have fast and exciting sex in restaurant wash-rooms.

Brenda Song as the vengeful Christy Lee (The Social Network)

I draw these as examples because I feel that the cinema is a strong cultural indicator of society. It may not have quite the range that it did, but films are still a global force. What I’m really interested is how films shape and help us to make sense of the world. If you wanted to understand what it’s like to date an Asian woman, you could watch Wayne’s World and it would give you a good indication of what to say, the kind of things to do and just as importantly, the things you shouldn’t do.

I particularly like the way Wayne at some point in the film realizes that he may be losing Cassandra to the smarmy TV executive, so he has to work harder to get her back. In this way, the film is as positive in in it’s summation of how it is to date a sexy Asian woman. It’s mostly fantastic of course – the film shows us exactly why Wayne has such a thing for Cassandra and gives the idea that the most unconventional of men can attract their very own Asian beauty to be their girlfriend.

Sadly, there are other ideas people have about Asian women that aren’t nearly as positive. If you ask some men what they think of Asian women, they might say something along the likes of ‘Asian women are easy‘ – meaning I guess that Asian woman are easy to have sex with ( as long as you are a white male to begin with).

Unfortunately, Asian women have been portrayed as little more than sex objects and certainly no more than thinly sketched love interests for the main character. In most action films where the male visits Asia there will be a minor character who might provide some extra exoticism to the film. You can see this in franchise movies such as ‘Tokyo Drift’, or some of the Bond films set in Asian countries such as ‘Tomorrow Never Dies’ and ‘You Only Live Twice’.

Kissy Suzuki (Mie Hama) in You Only Live Twice

You do wonder why Hollywood has been so reticent when showing interracial relationships. Certainly it’s unusual even now to see films where the couple are of different nationalities. Even as international marriages become so common as to be not worth mentioning, the movies are such a long way from catching up that the movie that is closest to the reality of dating an Asian girl is still good old ‘Wayne’s World’ from 1992.

The Asian Crush in two American films

Racist Korea

In 2017 I started working in Korea. I was full of excitement to visit the country I had learned so much about. But after living in Korea , I started to notice subtle forms of racism. The classic example that I can give is when I went to a restaurants and was refused entry as a solo diner. I never saw this happen to any Koreans. In fact, the only time I ever saw anyone denied entry was when they were foreign.

It got worse at work in the hagwon. Whilst a few of the Koreans made an effort to be friendly, a lot made it clear that they didn’t want anything to do with us. Perhaps the worst thing that happened was when a large bottle of air freshener was left on our desks – implying that even our body odour was offensive. I looked around to see if anyone had left any air-freshener anywhere else , but no. ours was the only desk to have a large bottle placed none-too subtly on our desk.

 Now I know you might be wondering why all this matters? Maybe it’s just a few companies that are like this. And I understand that the majority of Koreans will not be racist.

But here’s the thing. With millions of fans of Korean music, food and culture, Korea is positioning itself as the cultural capital of Asia. For example, the images you see on the Korean tourist board are of beautiful geography, food and costumes which are hard to match up to reality. Less developed Asian countries have bought into the Asian wave that the Korean government worked so assiduously to  build. Yet people from South-western countries are often discriminated against for being darker-skinned and coming from poorer countries. It can’t be right that a country with so much cultural power should be able to be so backwards when it comes to acceptance of other races.

Now another thing that makes it hard is when foreigners come to work in Korea without being able  to speak much Korean, they get taken advantage of, not just that they miss out on a lot of experiences that would be available to them if they knew the language, but there’s this uncomfortable feeling that a lot of Koreans will speak abusively about foreigners who they assume cannot understand them. I know that foreigners could make a greater effort to learn the language – but where’s the motivation? If I knew that a lot of Koreans would refuse to acknowledge me or talk to me in Korean , I would never have gone to the trouble of learning the amount of Korean language that I did.

For a lot of foreigners living in Korea, the level of Korean that they have learned already won’t be enough to make them easily understood to people. You can bet that this makes them an easy target for even more discrimination. You see, Koreans don’t really expect you to be able to speak Korean. Even if you can, they might act like they don’t understand you. Or laugh and simply ignore you, or speak over you without listening to anything you have said. So you can’t blame the foreigners who want to study and learn Korean only to lose motivation and interest. It’s too easy to give up; there aren’t decent resources available and Koreans refuse to speak to you in their language.

Right now, you could be thinking that I should be giving up. And it’s true that Korea is less of an interest to me these days. But its sad when I think that Korea was the first Asian country I visited, my girlfriend was Korean, and I studied Korean for years.

You often hear it said that Korea has the world’s fastest internet speeds. But that hasn’t led to Koreans becoming as developed in social affairs. But if you have ever bought Korean products, listened to K-pop, or even owned Samsung, you might want to take another look at the politics of the country that is behind them.

On getting my first taste of Asian fever

I had only been living in New Malden for a few months, the nondescript suburban neighborhood in South-west London between Wimbledon and Kingston. It’s not known by anyone outside of the area, except for one thing. It has the largest Korean community outside of Korea, and for me that was the reason why I ended up spending more than five years there.

I was living right in the middle of Korea-town – and as far I was concerned this was the best place in London to be. There may have been trendy areas outside – that were better connected to the rest of London. But what did I care? I had twenty Korean restaurants to visit – this was the closest I was going to get to Korea without moving there.

To give things some context, only two years before, Psy had smashed internet records by being the most played video on Youtube. Korean movies had already become well-known, and people were getting excited by Korean dramas. The K-pop scene had yet to become the all-conquering global power it is now, but it was getting there. But all this is just the frills, the extras on what was and is my primary reason for becoming interested in Korea.

I really started to notice the women when I moved to Korea town. The first thing I did was try to learn Korean. There’s no better way to meet a girl than attempting to speak her language. At the same time this was happening I got my first law firm job – providing personal injury support for road accident victims.

Maybe it wasn’t the best job – I was far too underpaid for the stress I got trying to meet targets- but there was one thing that made me happy to come to work each day.

Nak-young was a legal secretary who started working a month after I did. Eun Young was married and had a child. Not that that stopped me speaking to her. Nak-young was tall and slim. As far I was concerned she was the most beautiful woman in my life – she had the oval face, pale skin and full lips that are associated with Korean beauty. She was much nicer than most of the k-pop girls as well. She looked great wearing a hoodie or full evening wear. I soon started treating Nak-young as a close friend and the time we spent together was extremely precious to me.

We didn’t stop seeing each other after I left the job – she got to know me even better – as I felt that i could tell her everything about myself. i started to realise that there were two types of women as far as Asian women are concerned. There are those girls you can go out with – who may go on to be your girlfriend. Then there are those who will become your close friend, someone you can confide in, on the understanding that you will remain only friends. Even if I knew that Nak-young was never going to be more than a friend, I will say that I learned so much from my time with her.

When we went out the first time she told me about her job as an air hostess, then meeting her husband, and having a son with learning difficulties. The second time, it was her turn to talk about me – and she spent most of the time helping me find a way I could have sex with my girlfriend.

I won’t say that Nak-young was my Asian first time because she was not the first Asian woman I was intimate with ( I count our encounters as intimate based on the closeness of our thoughts). I think Nak-young was smart enough to see how much our experiences meant to me, though I’m sure they were more significant to me than her.

For the first time in my life, I felt that my life had a clear sense of purpose.. I felt there was a clear connection between the spicy heat of pickled cabbage, the green bottles of soju I drank, and Nak-young’s jet black hair, long legs and dazzling crescent moon eyes. My world was good and I loved everything in it.

The truth about ‘yellow fever’

One of the things that annoys me by the glib term ‘yellow fever’ is that it only looks at one side of the equation. If you’re a white guy and you prefer to date women of a particular country, for example, China, you might feel a level of stigma for doing so. Maybe you prefer Asian women because of their interesting personalities. Or you like their unique dress sense. It could be that you have a unique feeling when you spend time with them that you never have when you are with women of other nationalities. Like creatures of habit, we Asian fanciers know from experience that we want to be with the yellow women, and it’s going to take a lot more than the disaproval of a bunch of angry man-hating liberals to make change our ways.

Yellow fever

It is a bit rich to criticise men for favouring ‘eastern’ women, when those women profess an equally strong preference for men of Caucasian race.
Another oft-mentioned claim is that white men exploit Asian women who they consider an easy target. This is not only a gross oversimplification, but it ignores something far more noticeable. The lack of desirability of many white women, along with their ridiculous levels of expectation, means that most white guys don’t stand a chance with women of their own race. If you were constantly ridiculed by women growing up, and seen as a loser by women in your surroundings, how are you able to form healthy relationships with the opposite sex? Its because men who move to Asian countries experience such a positive response from the
women there that they begin to see themselves in a new light, and finally have the confidence to start approaching women in a natural and healthy way. It’s this new-found confidence that gives men the ability to start trading up – giving them the opportunity to meet girls considered out of their league back home.


Game playing
If you’ve ever been on a date with someone whom you met through a datingapplication, be it tinder or similar, you probably faced a whole load of questions about things. Should you pay for the first date? Do you kiss her? Where do you go? Should it be somewhere expensive, or just a causal place? The problem is, no-one knows the answer. It’s why dating has become so much harder, especially now that women want to be seen as equals, whilst still clinging to the idea that men should pay for everything.
The other thing you hear is that men dating white women have to jump through so many hoops, prompting one internet writer to declare that the real reason whitewomen are against men dating Asian women – they don’t want other men to see how easy it is when there are no games to play and you don’t need to go to great lengths to win her approval.


Stereotypes
You hear so much about white men and Asian women, but what about the
reversal? If you’re a woman who likes Korean or Japanese culture, you’re
probably equally interested in men of the culture. Surely all the fans screaming at BTS aren’t just excited about the music? Yet, nobody has suggested that these women are racially stereotyping these men.

Why I prefer Asian women

Not that I’m some kind of pervert or anything, but I do happen to believe that Asian women have the nicest bodies of women anywhere. I have tried women all over the world, so it’s not like I’m an experienced loser who likes Asian women because those are the only women he has been with.

Ho says in her bio that she wants a man to take care of her. I’m crazy about flight attendants and would do anything to be with one.

Do Western women even want to dress nice and make an effort? Lets face it, they never wear the clothes and accessories that men like. If they wore some nice skirts with tights and heels, wore make up an went to the gym, I might have a scintilla of interest. As it is, they way they dress makes me want to cover my eyes in shock.

I’m chatting to Luna (who is Chinese) on weChat. She messages everyday, and always takes in interest in what I am doing.

You can bet I was swiping right on all of these. A fair few girls still like to wear denim cuttoffs, and why not? As I said, it’s all about looking as good as you possibly can. True, these aren’t the youngest women, but with my age fast approaching 40, there’s not too much I can do about that. Sometimes I think about settling down ( I will, eventually). But at the moment, I’m having so much fun getting to know these wonderful women. London has more Asian women than I will ever be able to date and I have no intention of ever stopping. All I can say is they have changed my life and they have changed it for the better.

Flight of fantasy

The plane seemed to have been travelling forever. They had been in the air for a few hours, but the time seemed to be going more slowly up there. The plane had made it’s ascent from a London airport a few hours ago, at 2:30 local time. Now it was impossible to know where exactly the plane was, there was nothing outside the window to indicate the country they were flying over. Only two hours earlier, the food trolley had wheeled its way down the aisle and he had selected his meal.

Now he was well into the flight. He had taken his shoes off and was enjoying the in-flight entertainment system. The movie was about a father who had become reunited with his daughter after many years apart. What made it more moving was that the daughter only had a few months to live. When he got to the end of the film he felt like crying.  HE gazed around at the other passengers. They were all absorbed in their various activities. Some were trying to sleep, their neck pillows awkwardly positioned in the headrests. Others were looking at their laptops. They didn’t seem very interesting to him. HE wondered why so few people really cared about their journey, or where they were flying to. The flight attendants had served everybody in great time, and had poured the coffee as he was still eating his steak. He looked at his watch. Local time was 7:30 and he didn’t feel very sleepy. In fact, the coffee had given him jolt of extra energy. Sat in his chair, he felt restless, his body did not want to be still.

He decided to get up and explore. The plane was not entirely full. There were several empty seats around him. In fact, it was not often that there were so many seats on an international flight. There were usually several children and a crying baby that would stay up on the journey. Surprisingly, this time there were no children on board. In fact, most of the passengers were travelling alone and weren’t the usual holiday-goers. The other thing he noticed about them was they didn’t have much luggage with them. Usually travellers carried bags of duty free, they had bags of shopping and various carry on. But this flight was different. They had boarded with minimal luggage, and more to the point, they were exceptionally    quiet, which was odd for people going on holiday who would normally be excitedly talking about their destination.
The flight attendants were all female. He didn’t expect this to be so but it was always pleasant when they were, and occasionally he flew with other airlines and was shocked to find men serving amongst the women. 1

“Can I get you any drinks?”

Usually the use of ‘get’ in this way bothered him but right now he was enjoying the experience of being served by this woman that it was too much for it to bother him. The attendant had to lean over him to pass his glass of wine to him and the feeling of her apron against his shirt made him tingle with pleasure.

Would you like me to bring you something else?” she asked him?

He thought for a moment. There were lots of things he would have liked to get from her. She was wearing a bright red apron with embroidered patterns on it. Her dress was regulation length but he could see that she had good legs. Here height was at most 170cms (and he didn’t mind; he had never liked tall women anyway.

Then he heard an announcement over the plane’s loudspeaker.

“This is your captain speaking. We are currently experiencing some turbulence, Please stay in your seats and keep your seatbelt fastened.”

HE watched as the flight attendants quickly got back to their seats, which were somewhere at the back of the plane.

He hoped that the turbulence would be over quickly. As he fastened his seatbelt, he thought what a wonder it was to be flying. There was no other transport that came close. It was when he was in an aircraft that he felt he could relax properly, a place where no one could get to him. He enjoyed being up in the sky for several hours at once. Time seemed to stop. The plane started to shake violently. It must have been a storm that caused it to flap around so much. Whatever it was, he thought about the flight attendants in the plane. Where did they go at times like these? On a ten-hour flight, he only saw them during take-off and when they were serving the in-flight meals. There weren’t any seats back in economy for them to properly lay down in.  Unless there happened to be some private rooms tucked away, they must have been sitting in cramped seats no bigger than the one he was sitting in at that moment.

AS the plane began to steady itself, he waited for the seatbelt sign to be switched off so that he could move about on the plane. He also wanted to see where the special flight attendant was sitting so that he could talk to her again. Would she be wearing her high-heeled shoes? Or would she have slipped them off? Feet could swell, he knew, although he couldn’t imagine this would be a big problem for her. If she was relaxing, would she be sleeping, or was she required to stay awake for the entire duration of the flight? It led to other questions. Where did they change clothes? How did they use the bathroom, and where did they store their bags? All these were a mystery to him. So he decided to take a look for himself. It wasn’t too hard as there were plenty of seats at the back of the plane that were empty. He wandered back where the flight attendants were seated and thought of what he would say to them.

I’m wondering if you could pour me another drink, he asked her. I know drink service has finished but I’m parched and this is a long-distance flight so-“

“What would you like?”

“I would like a gin and tonic.”

The drink would need ice cubes, which had to be scooped out from the bowl at the bottom of the trolley. It was a good thing he didn’t mind waiting.

Heard the sharp hiss of the carbon dioxide in the tonic water rise out of the bottle. The flight attendant was so tall that she had to lean over the drinks table. He thought she looked extremely sexy in her uniform; her stockings shimmered in the dim light of the cabin whilst her face took on an air of studied concentration as she measured the gin and filled the glass.

Waiting for the drink was part of the satisfaction, and when it finally arrived he was more than ready for it.

“ would you like something to go with it?”

He thought for a moment.

“I’ll take some nuts if you have them.”

She picked up some nuts and put them on a steel plate, handed them to him, and took hold of the trolley again.

Stop a minute, he told her. Why don’t you sit down with me? If you have time I mean.

She looked at him, assessing the situation.

“Well, I don’t suppose that would be a problem for just a few minutes…”

The flight attendant squeezed into one of the seats (she really was tall) and he got in beside her. She was like a praying mantis with her legs perched up high towards her arms.

A minute later they were talking about how she got to being an airline worker; whether she liked the job or not.

“It’s funny, when I was younger I never went on holidays. I was always afraid of flying and for that reason I decided to overcome my fear, and this seemed like the best way of doing that.”

Yes, they said that if I took a stimulator first it would allow me to experience the feeling of being in an airplane without leaving the ground.

The noise of the plane’s engine started to get very loud and it felt as though it was moving faster now. Just as he finished his drink the plane began to move upward some more and he felt the pressure in the cabin increasing.

“I want to learn how to pilot a plane one day, when you’re in control of the plane it must be a wonderful feeling to be taking people on a journey somewhere exciting.”

He looked around at the passengers. They were all sitting by themselves and he noticed that there were no children on board either. He started to feel strange and he wondered why this was happening.

“ Where is this flight going?” He asked after a gap in the conversation.

“It’s not going anywhere, we’re flying for an unlimited time until passengers decide they want to leave.

“Then what happens to them?”

Usually when a passenger has grown tired of eating all the food we send another jet to come and collect them and get them to the nearest airport.”

So the rest of the passengers are not really flying anywhere?

“Exactly. Most of our passengers are perfectly content to stay on board as long as two weeks. They have everything they need on board anyway, and they are much safer up here than on the ground.”

“But don’t they get bored?”

You would think so, but many of our passengers have been coming back for several years. “

He looked out the window. Whether it was day or night was impossible to tell. The air he was breathing in was neither fresh nor stale. Every hour the cabin was refreshed with new “air” from the tanks, to stop the air becoming stuffy and to minimize the spread of germs in the air.  

He read somewhere that time moved slower at the top of a mountain than it did on the flat land. In that case, was time moving at all when you were flying in the air, when it was only night for a few hours until it became day again?

 It was a strange way to spend a holiday, never visiting anywhere; but people did all kinds of crazy things on holiday.

“Well, how long do you think I should spend up here?”

“That depends. Did you wish to speak to any of our flight attendants? You can arrange to have dinner in the private dining area if you want to.”

Suddenly the idea of being alone on the aircraft was starting to get improve.

“Would it be possible to have dinner with you?” He already felt comfortable with her even though they had only been talking for twenty minutes.

I’m having dinner

“Yes that will be fine. But will you let me tell you something first? I usually say know when people ask me to have dinner with them. “

“they must really ask you a lot then.”

“They do. But that’s not why I turn them down.”

 Im aware that men look at me in a certain way, maybe they have a fantasy about me based on my appearance, but it’s not how I am in person. I would hate for you to get the wrong idea about me.”

He picked up his bag and went to the washroom. There were the usual assortments of toiletries, hairbrush and toothbrush for him to use. He thought about changing his clothes but then he decided he was fine the way he was. Actually, he was feeling confident and he probably could have changed into the dressing gown and been ok like that. He wouldn’t normally have been so confident, of course. But the fact she had said yes, just like that, made him feel so much better about things. 

Lena was wearing slim-fitted black jeans that matched the colour of her hair. She had paired her top with a sexy patterned scarf and black choker. She looked much less formal than when she was in her flight uniform, but he was just as attracted to her now, if not more.

They were sitting in a small back room in the plane, with a large table and several chairs positioned around it. The usual hum of the plane’s engines could not be heard and the room was hushed and quiet.

‘So is this where you do your flight attendant work?’ he asked her?

“We do most of our safety exercises and procedures here.”

“It sounds so interesting. I’m sorry that they don’t do the pre-flight safety demonstrations any more. I used to enjoy watching those, it was always interesting seeing their expressions as they mimed the use of an inflatable safety vest….”

“We find that most passengers prefer to watch a recorded video instead of focusing so much on a flight attendant. The eye contact makes them feel uncomfortable and they don’t know where to look.”

“Maybe I understand, but it’s going to take me some time to get used to this new way of doing things.”

“What is it you miss about the way it used to be done?”

“The amount of dedication they had for their craft, and they way they could perform with a sense of theatre.”

She smiled.

“Did I do that when I poured your drink just now?”

“ you really put all your effort in to it.”

“Besides, air travel has changed in so many ways. The way passengers board the plane, the safety requirements and the lack of space.

DO you know how much the standard seat width has shrunk since the 1960s?

He looked at his glass of wine and admired the slender stem. They had clearly thought a great deal about the tableware they provided. It wasn’t just that they were nice glasses, but that they were the perfect shape for the table and could hold just the right amount of liquid.

“I’m not sure.”

“Well, it’s a lot. Standard seat width for a commercial flights is now thirty inches. Many of our customers request seats with extra legroom but we can’t offer them anything unless they sit in the emergency exits, or First class. Well, we’d like all passengers to have the same standard of comfort but unfortunately that’s not always comfortable. So we can only give them these reduced-space seats at the back of the plane.

“Well, let’s see what we have for dinner. Are you hungry?”

He looked at the menu which was printed in extra fine font on slightly crinkled paper.  It was the usual mishmash of international food. For the appetiser they were offering seared prawns with simmered avocado qenelles. The mains looked more interesting. The fish was red snapper, grilled and served with a hot wasabi dressing. Meat was a loin of pork with grapefruit jam and chorizo.

It was the kind of food that would be difficult to reheat without losing all the texture. They must have had an amazing team back there in the kitchen if they could produce this kind of food.

“I will have the prawns, followed by the pork. That’s it.”

It was nice eating in a plane; you only had two options and either one was likely to be as good as the other so that he never felt any misgivings about his choices.

‘You know something,” he said to her as she was pouring the wine; ‘I’ve never had a bad meal on a plane.”

“Really? I’m happy to hear it, but you don’t have to be so polite with me.”

“No, I’m serious. Everything has always been fresh, served at the correct temperature, well-presented…. You’d be amazed by the number of restaurants that can’t get that right.”

“We just want everything to be just right for our guests.”

‘But now I think about it, there’s not much they could do if I did’t like the food. I suppose I could try asking for another one. But it’d be exactly the same anyway…”

“Yes, we’d only be able to offer you the same dish cooked exactly the same way.”

The plane carried on flying cruise control. It was almost as if it was following a pre-determined course.

“Do you ever get tired of flying? He asked her.

“Why do you ask me that?”

Just being stuck in the air. Only seeing the airports and never going anywhere exciting.”

“Well we get three days off after every ten. That usually gives us some time to do something exciting.”

“What about when you’re on the plane? All those stupid passenger requests and screaming babies. It would be enough to tip me over the edge.”

“That’s why I’m only working these planes.  I only serve single passengers like you. Besides, we get used to serving difficult passengers after working a few weeks.”

“Do you? That’s interesting….”

He didn’t know what to say next. He admired the curvature of her neck. It was amazing how unique a woman’s body was; there were always different body parts that drew to his attention. As well as being aroused by the whole package, he was able to be stimulated by very specific features as well. Lena’s ears were long, shaped like treble clefs, and her mouth was so enticing he felt that he could fall into it.

“Aren’t you ever afraid of the plane crashing, or having engine failure?”

“Of course, it goes through my mind. We have the best safety measures in place, but there’s always the possibility that something may go terribly wrong. If it does, then we would need everybody off the plane as quickly as possible.”

“You would let the passengers off the plane first, or would you rush past them to the emergency exits?”

“We would be required to make sure that everyone was able to reach the doors first, otherwise we wouldn’t be doing our jobs. But I’m sure that some people would not be so altruistic as that.”

“You’re damn right they wouldn’t. It would be everyone for themselves; but that’s not what always happens on flight disasters, with many heroic examples of bravery from members of the cabin crew, I’ve come across so many.
And that’s not all.”

“We don’t have to talk about this any more. That’s a hell of a dress that you’re wearing.”

“Would you like to go somewhere else to talk? There is a room out back which is much quieter for us, and would give us more privacy. I can go there with you if you like, and we can continue the conversation.”

They went into another room that was even more luxurious than where they had been before. There were gilt tables with decorated wine glasses on them and pictures of celebrities who had flown in the plane before him.

“Would you like to hear some music?”

He thought it seemed like a good idea. He had never been on a plane when they were playing music and he thought it seemed such a good plan.

“What are you going to play me? Something ambient like “Little fluffy clouds?” Or music for airports?”

“Who is that by? Brian Eno? I don’t think I know that one.”

“Whenever I’m flying, I always imagine something very ethereal and almost ghostly like Enya or something very solemn and funereal.”

“Ghostly? Hmm, I think I know what you’re getting at. But we don’t like our passengers to be led down such a path where they could be depressed, or think about the supernatural.”

She went over to the music system and pulled out one of the discs.

 As soon as he heard the opening bars, he identified the music.

“A little Night music?”

“Yes. Very well known but it adds something when you hear it on a plane.”

Indeed, it sounded so light; the strings were pulling him higher in the air.

“Do you want to know something about the other passengers?”

Like what exactly?

“Haven’t you noticed anything a little unusual about them?

“They look like typical business passengers.” And it was true, they did.

“What if I said that they are in fact all aliens, travelling back to their own planet after a long time abroad.”

“I’d say that you were crazy. I would never believe you in fact.”

She laughed.

“yes, I knew you wouldn’t believe it, because they look so normal. That’s why we chose them. They blend in perfectly, don’t they? Nobody would ever know.”

What am I doing here? Am I the only human here?”

“No of course not. There are all of the other attendants. As well as me.”

He looked at her carefully.

“That’s a relief.”


“So what happens now? Does the plane travel far? Couldn’t that take a very long time?”

“Do you want to go back home, is that it?”

“Eventually, sure.”

“You can leave any time you want. Just open one of the doors.”

He looked around himself. There’s no way I’d make it alive, he thought to himself.

“So are you going to stay on the plane after all?”

“It’s not so bad. I can get all the food I need here. And the in-flight entertainment that you provide leaves little to be desired.”

“You’re ok about the aliens?”

“They just look like normal passengers.”

“Yes, they’re really harmless. Like good-natured tourists.”

“Well, most of them are. We haven’t had any problems so far. We try to give them what they want, that way everyone’s happy.”

The plane kept on going. The alien’s home planet was thousands of light years away and it was months until they landed. As it happens, he’s still on the plane, somewhere, someplace, some time.

Ten things I hate about South Korea.

In no particular order:

Bars and restaurants

One of the worst things is going to restaurants and bars on your own. Koreans have a hatred of doing things on their own. Don’t expect to be welcomed by other Koreans when you go to restaurants as a foreigner, they will completely avoid any interaction with you. Although I enjoy eating Korean food, the pressure of sitting in a restaurant being glowered at is too much sometimes. The bottom line: Korea can be very lonely place for a single person.

Korean language

Aaahh, the Korean language. When I was England I was serious about studying Korean. I took lessons, went on language exchanges and used apps to improve my Korean. THe worst thing is when you have a conversation in Korean and people ignore you, or laugh, or answer you in English. I have learned very little Korean here and I am convinced my Korean is going backwards.

Dating

Wow, is dating hard work here. Its not that dating is unpleasant, it’s mroe the attitude Korean women have towards dating foreigners. For example, a common excuse is “I can’t speak English so I won’t date anyone who isn’t Korean.” It’s hard to approach someone and simply ask them out, at least, in my experience.

Traditional culture

I visited the Korean palace in Seoul. Apart from a nice garden and a pond, there was little else to see. As for traditional culture, Korean’s traditional music, pansoori consists of a drum being banged loudly for half an hour whilst a woman makes a noise like she is being slowly impaled. Apart from concerts and Koreans wearing Hanbok, I see very little signs of traditional culture here. At least in Japan you can easily see kimonos and visit traditional restaurants.

K-pop

When people talk about Korean Wave, Hallyu, it’s K-pop that often comes up. Now, I like K-pop. I think some of it has been good fun. What I don’t like is that for most people K-pop is the only music they will hear in Korea. There are some great rock and Indie bands but due to the large record companies that produce and distribute music its very difficult to hear anything but the Melon 100.

Work

Korea has the most miserable work culture in the world. But at least Koreans can talk to each other and share food at work. As a foreigner, I feel excluded from most work activities. For some reason, it doesn’t occur to my colleagues to ask me any questions about my life or pay any interest in what I am doing, or invite me to lunch. Although many Koreans teach English, they would much rather talk to their colleagues in Korean than speak English to me.

Old people

Encountering old people is one of the hardest aspects of life here. For example, there are seats marked for use for the elderly, one of the many areas where old people have privileges over everyone else. It’s quite common for older Koreans to take up every seat in a carriage while young people who have been working all day must stand.  Korea has a real problem with age. There are places where you won’t see anyone under thirty. At other times, you can visit an outside market and it will be mostly be seniors. It’s hard to reconcile the behaviours of older Koreans with younger people. It’s a problem that is going to get worse as Korea has the lowest birth rate in the world.

Clothes and fashion

I try not to buy many clothes here. It’s hard to find clothes of very good quality. Unfortunately Koreans have a mania for new things. It’s not socially acceptable to wear old clothes here. everything has to be brand new and up-to-the minute. I can’t deny that Koreans are well-dressed, stylish people, but the desire to follow the latest fashions seems exhausting.

TV

This is certainly the least serious problem because there’s always the option of simply turning the TV off. There are typically three types of popular shows here:

1: Lifestyle and travel shows. A group of foreign tourists visit Korea and try kimchi, wear hanbok, etc. I can’t watch without cringing, but there are at least five programmes I can see which follow this theme.

2. Wacky and zany variety programs, the most popular is Running Man. They sometimes feature famous Americans such as Tom Cruise and Steven Youn.

In the last category are dramas. The good ones are ‘The Good Wife”, “The Return” and “Mr Sunshine.” There are also Korean soap operas which usually revolve around family relationships. A very common trope is a mother-in-law who criticises her daughter for not being a good wife, or making bad food or something. These are the least interesting programs on TV. There are several news programs which seem to be exclusively focused on domestic news. Which brings me to…….

Attitude to foreigners 

As many have pointed out, Koreans have a strange attitude. On the one hand, I think they want foreigners to know about Korean culture. I see that they have a lot of information about Korean attractions on line. On the other hand, a foreigner could easily come to the conclusion that Koreans don’t want to have any interaction with foreigners unless it involves money. Come on Koreans, you can do better!

Sexless Korea

Is it possible that I got it wrong about Korea? Specifically, that it’s really easy to get with women if you’re white?

Whilst there are those who would say otherwise, here are a few reasons why it’s actually hard, really hard, to get even a date here as a foreign male.

  1. The culture is totally different. Yes, it’s obvious, but any of the rules in other countries don’t apply here. The hook-up culture is not the same. For example, Tinder is used as much to make friends as it is for actual dating (or so I’m told).

Some Korean women won’t date foreigners. You could have excellent Korean, be successful and good-looking, but some Korean women won’t date you because you’re not Korean. Although you will see WMAF couples, you won’t see many really top-level Korean women going out with anyone not Korean. As much as I hate it, it’s just a fact of life here.

The clubs are as much for dancing as they are for meeting people. On the two occasions I have been to clubs, I saw that most people were staying in gender-segregated groups. Men were definitely not approaching woman to dance. It would be completely different back home. It’s even harder to approach people in bars, because people sit on separate tables and don’t even place their orders at the bar. Although there is less opportunity to take a girl home here (most people still live at home) Koreans use the same phrase for one night stand, showing that they are at least aware of the concept.

Koreans have a rigid dating culture, and to approach someone randomly on the street, or in a cafe, isn’t really done. Although I have tried it several times, in most cases I could feel that the women didn’t really want to have a conversation with me and made a point of moving on as soon as possible.

The sheer amount of foreign students and English teachers has made foreigners less of a novelty. In fact, I feel largely ignored here, and somewhat invisible, to the point where I can be in a room of Koreans and nobody will acknowledge me.

The possibility that women will feel judged if they go out with foreign men possibly puts them off approaching them in the first place.

Lastly, the fact is that there are some sickos out there who will date a korean woman and flood sites with articles like ‘Korean women are easy’. This sort of thing does nobody any favours. Whilst you must always take something like that with massive grain of salt, whether it’s even true – and ask yourself whether someone who was actually sleeping with a lot of women would want to tell others about it online – it’s going to only make it harder for everyone.

One thing I am seeing is that there are much more Korean men with western women. I guess its because men are much more comfortable dating out of their culture than women here.

Meanwhile any men moving to South Korea in search of easy sex should do an instant reality check.

Getting disillusioned with South Korea

How long did it for you to become disillusioned with South Korea?

For me, the moment came when I attended my company dinner in March. They got us to come to a big wedding hall venue near Somyeon. We were told to arrive at 5:30 but had to sit around for hours while they kept rehearsing some speeches. When I looked at the table layout, I saw that they had put all of the English speaking tables in the equivalent of Siberia, the worst part of the room and the furthest point from the main action. It was also impossible to see the stage properly without turning your head at an awkward.

The speeches were all in Korean, they couldn’t be bothered to translate them. and then we came to the dinner, we found that there was no alcohol. I mean, the idea that you can have a company dinner without drinking is just unimaginable. But the worst part about it was that we all knew that we had been denied real inclusion to the event because we weren’t Korean.

That’s the problem. South Korea is great if you’re Korean, they haven’t figured out how to make it accessible to foreigners.

Like last year when it was Chuseok my co-worker asked me what I was doing. Even though I only arrived a week before, I was supposed to have a plan worked out. No-one thought that maybe as a foreigner it might be difficult to make a plan to do something. No-one though to invite me to hang out and experience this part of Korean holidays with them. Nobody thinks like that.

The crazy thing is, when I see TV shows with Koreans falling over themselves to make foreigners feel welcome when they visit Seoul, and I think about the reality of the situation, where they can barely smile at you.

People are constantly telling me to visit this or that tourist location in Busan. It gets tiresome after a while. I don’t doubt their good intentions but most of the places people mention to me are either far too crowded, or impossible to find, or simply not worth visiting in the first place.

I chose to come to Busan because of the closeness to Japan (perhaps not the best reason), and because, when I visited last year it seemed friendlier than Seoul.  But guess what? It’s not actually any friendlier. And the cost of flying to Japan is actually really expensive. So what can I do? I thought about the beaches. But I live far away from all of them, and they’re only open some of the time.

There are mountains, but I’m not crazy about them. What I do most weekends, is go for a swim, have lunch. At the most, I might hope that I can meet some interesting people at the weekly foreigners’ Korean meet-up. What I’m saying I guess, is I thought that there would be more to my time here. I really did. I guess I should think carefully, really carefully, the next time I decide on such a crazy move to another country.

1 is the saddest number

You know I’ve been in Korea for over five months and although I love nearly everything about living here, there’s just a few things that bother me. Most of them I can deal with. But the number one problem is that in Korea the group is everything.

I knew this before I came but I thought that if I already knew some Korean it would be easy to meet people whenever I went out.

Sadly, the culture of Korean social life means that it’s almost impossible to meet people if you go out alone. You might be lucky and find that people will talk to you out of curiosity but most of the time strangers will be all but politely ignored. The hardest part is seeing large groups of people enjoying themselves but feeling excluded as a single person.

koreas.jpg
Some Koreans drinking with obligatory 안주

South Korea has bars where you can go to meet people but Koreans treat these places as restaurants where they just happen to be drinking. It doesn’t matter where they go or how late it is, Koreans will always find a way to eat something.

It’s not that Koreans aren’t friendly, but they are bad when it comes to speaking to anyone they don’t know.

As much as I hate the group culture of Korea, it’s so embedded in their way of living that I’m not sure it will ever change. Still, I can hope.