Parasite plot holes and inconsistencies

Spoiler alert!

When Ki-jeong frames the driver by leaving her underwear under the back seat, she does so without him noticing. If she can do this with such ease, it suggests she could more easlily make money as a stripper or karaoke hostess (which, lets face it, is probably the job a woman in her situation would have).

In a later scene, the Kims are eating in a canteen for what looks like taxi drivers and chauffeurs. If the father already has talent for driving, why isn’t he already earning money doing so? Not to mention the ease with which the Parks dismiss their former driver. If they valued him at all they would have confronted him about what happened..

When the former housekeeper returns, she finds the family behaving extremely innapropriately., getting drunk on expensive whisky and throwing snacks around. Yet she carries on as though this is normal.

Guen-sye, the husband under the cellar. Where to start with this one? The explanation for his hiding there is that there was an underground bunker built by the previous owners of the house. When her husband borrowed money from loan sharks, she sent him down here, obviously caring for him whilst she worked as a housekeeper. If this was before the present owners moved in, it would mean that he has lived there longer than 17 years (!) by which point, wouldn’t the sharks have given up chasing him? Then again, Pieta……https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piet%C3%A0_(film)


The kid’s birthday party. Something strange about this; there don’t seem to be any kids here. Instead, there’s a woman singing o mio babbino caro, and a huge fire in the middle, not to mention an axe.

The killings. This scene was so badly shot that its actually difficult to see what happens. But lets see: Ki-jeong comes with a cake, which she smashes into Geun-sye, but after he has lunged at her with a knife, fatally stabbing her. This is in full view of the guests, who seem not to notice a deranged man with blood seeping from his forehead carrying a knife. Just before this, her brother is bludgeoned twice with a rock, seems to be out cold (but later makes a miraculous recovery). Someone kills Geun-sye with a barbecue skewer, the boy faints, and Ki-jeong dies. All of this could have been done better, but in a further bit of unlikeliness, the father stabs Mr park with a knife, killing him.

What do the Kims do with their money? Working at the Parks should have brought then some material benefits. strangely, despite all working good jobs, they continue to live in the tiny, semi-derelict flat under the ground.

Right at the end, we see Ki-teok writing a letter to his father (who uses morse-code signalling to send messages to his son). Except there is no way of Ki-teok getting the letter to his father. But wait. Immediately after killing Mr Park, Chung-sook can be seen running to the side of the house, down into the basement. In other words, it can be reached from the outside, which means the son could quite easily post messages directly to the father, give him food, even help him break out.

Whilst Mr and Mrs Park wait for their son to come out of the tepee, they make love on the sofa. As he starts to caress her breasts, she instructs him to move in clockwise direction. It’s clearly done for laughs, but it’s not really obvious why she would gain more pleasure from this.

On my first viewing, I felt that the Parks were parasitic of the Kims. When I watched it again, it was the other way round. I’m not sure the film is such a strong statement of class ( as has been claimed). The film highlights the social divide in South Korea, without really telling us anything interesting about it. Not to mention, the Kims hurt each other, displace hard-working people and are responsible for the murder of an innocent man.

All this means that I still enjoyed watching the film, I’m jsut surprised that the flaws seem to have gone unrecognised. The recent Japanese film Shoplifters looks at a family who struggle in poverty but act in a more human and believable way.

The truth about ‘yellow fever’

One of the things that annoys me by the glib term ‘yellow fever’ is that it only looks at one side of the equation. If you’re a white guy and you prefer to date women of a particular country, for example, China, you might feel a level of stigma for doing so. Maybe you prefer Asian women because of their interesting personalities. Or you like their unique dress sense. It could be that you have a unique feeling when you spend time with them that you never have when you are with women of other nationalities. Like creatures of habit, we Asian fanciers know from experience that we want to be with the yellow women, and it’s going to take a lot more than the disaproval of a bunch of angry man-hating liberals to make change our ways.

Yellow fever

It is a bit rich to criticise men for favouring ‘eastern’ women, when those women profess an equally strong preference for men of Caucasian race.
Another oft-mentioned claim is that white men exploit Asian women who they consider an easy target. This is not only a gross oversimplification, but it ignores something far more noticeable. The lack of desirability of many white women, along with their ridiculous levels of expectation, means that most white guys don’t stand a chance with women of their own race. If you were constantly ridiculed by women growing up, and seen as a loser by women in your surroundings, how are you able to form healthy relationships with the opposite sex? Its because men who move to Asian countries experience such a positive response from the
women there that they begin to see themselves in a new light, and finally have the confidence to start approaching women in a natural and healthy way. It’s this new-found confidence that gives men the ability to start trading up – giving them the opportunity to meet girls considered out of their league back home.


Game playing
If you’ve ever been on a date with someone whom you met through a datingapplication, be it tinder or similar, you probably faced a whole load of questions about things. Should you pay for the first date? Do you kiss her? Where do you go? Should it be somewhere expensive, or just a causal place? The problem is, no-one knows the answer. It’s why dating has become so much harder, especially now that women want to be seen as equals, whilst still clinging to the idea that men should pay for everything.
The other thing you hear is that men dating white women have to jump through so many hoops, prompting one internet writer to declare that the real reason whitewomen are against men dating Asian women – they don’t want other men to see how easy it is when there are no games to play and you don’t need to go to great lengths to win her approval.


Stereotypes
You hear so much about white men and Asian women, but what about the
reversal? If you’re a woman who likes Korean or Japanese culture, you’re
probably equally interested in men of the culture. Surely all the fans screaming at BTS aren’t just excited about the music? Yet, nobody has suggested that these women are racially stereotyping these men.

Why I prefer Asian women

Not that I’m some kind of pervert or anything, but I do happen to believe that Asian women have the nicest bodies of women anywhere. I have tried women all over the world, so it’s not like I’m an experienced loser who likes Asian women because those are the only women he has been with.

Ho says in her bio that she wants a man to take care of her. I’m crazy about flight attendants and would do anything to be with one.

Do Western women even want to dress nice and make an effort? Lets face it, they never wear the clothes and accessories that men like. If they wore some nice skirts with tights and heels, wore make up an went to the gym, I might have a scintilla of interest. As it is, they way they dress makes me want to cover my eyes in shock.

I’m chatting to Luna (who is Chinese) on weChat. She messages everyday, and always takes in interest in what I am doing.

You can bet I was swiping right on all of these. A fair few girls still like to wear denim cuttoffs, and why not? As I said, it’s all about looking as good as you possibly can. True, these aren’t the youngest women, but with my age fast approaching 40, there’s not too much I can do about that. Sometimes I think about settling down ( I will, eventually). But at the moment, I’m having so much fun getting to know these wonderful women. London has more Asian women than I will ever be able to date and I have no intention of ever stopping. All I can say is they have changed my life and they have changed it for the better.

Book review

Ms Ice Sandwich – Mieko Kawakami [Pushkin Press] 2017

‘The only people in the whole world who know about Ms Ice Sandwich are me and Grandma.’

In this slender volume, a junior high school develops a tentative relationship with a mysterious shop worker who is never mentioned by name, yet begins to maintain a hold on the boy as he struggles with other problems of growing up.

If your awareness of Japanese literature only goes as far as manga comics, you may be surprised to see that there are several up-and-coming Japanese writers whose works have been translated in English, such as this one.

Whilst it’s a short and simple story, there are some nice emotion and details. The teenage protagonist comes across as naive, especially when his female classmate invites him to come to her house and watch a film. This makes up an extended passage, where the girl re-enacts one of the set piece shoot-outs from the Michael Mann film ‘Heat’.

Otherwise, its a gentle story, all told from the point of view of the young narrator who has an interesting relationship with everyone around him, including his grandmother, who is on hand to offer an older perspective on life around him.

Published by Pushkin Press, in English.

New Year’s Lay

New Year’e eve, 520 pm.

It’s new Year’s Eve, and, as on so many lonely nights, my thoughts turn to women, and with them, sex as well. There’s not much to do when you’re alone but imagine them and hope that somehow they will hear your lonely and horny heart crying out for them.

I have a whole database of porn that I could revert to on this occasion, and get it on. But the idea of sitting at home, unwashed and improperly dressed, doing something unspeakable in front of Invasian 3 seems insulting to this day. New Year’s Eve is the time to be out there in the thick of it. Meeting people, rubbing shoulders (at the very least) with beautiful strangers. When so many people are still putting their faith in the holiday season, who am I to show my disdain by staying in alone and touching myself?

There are plenty of apps designed to get men and women together as quickly as possible, and to the bedroom eventually. But I don’t have much time, as such a last minute guy as I am. I also didn’t make any plans for tonight. I want to be social, but not with the few friends I have. Tonight, I want to feel the thrill of a random encounter with a stranger.

Until the day comes when, like in Logan’s Run where Jenny Agutter materialises in front of Michael York at the press of a button, I must find women the old-fashioned way, using the internet to find sex partners. There are plenty of sites I have visited, and the one that best meets my needs is called ‘Easy Lay.’ I flip open my laptop and type my desired woman into the search bar. “Asian female, 20, slim, busty.” A few results come up, and I message one of them who looks like she can accommodate me.

What are you doing tonight? Want to have some fun?

she messages back right away.

I’m not doing anything. Do you want to come over?

I don’t need any persuading.

Give me thirty minutes, I say.

The thing is, when a girl is horny, you have to react quickly. It’s no good waiting around or she might lose interest.

…………thirty minutes later………………………………..

I’m standing in front of the door at the address where she lives. The thought does occur to me that she could be anyone. I guess she might be wondering the same thing about me.

The door slowly opens. I stand there for just a few seconds. I step inside. I’m relieved when I see that she looks just like her photo on the site.

She’s wearing a tight black dress and no stockings, her hair is down and she has on some bright red lipstick.

‘Won’t you come in?’

I’m momentarily dazzled by her beauty but I manage to stammer ‘Yes of course.’

‘You took a long time’.

I came on the tube, I say, by way of explanation.

She leads me down the corridor in to a large, open kitchen space.

‘Will you have something to drink?’

‘I’d like whisky if you have it.’

She pours out a large serving of single malt and sits it in front of me.

I take a look around the place. It’s clean, everything is new and hardly looks lived in at all.

‘Is it just you living here?’

‘It’s just me. Sometimes my friend comes to stay, the rest of the time, I’m the only one here.’

I take a sip of my whisky.

‘Aren’t you bored sometimes? Aren’t you terribly bored?’

She laughs.

‘Not really.’

I walk up to her lift her hands up. She moves towards me and I push my face towards hers. There is not one bit of resistance and I take the opportunity to kiss her.

Her lips are sticky – sweet from the lipgloss. I move past them with my tongue and I make gentle movements inside her mouth. I pull her up and we carry on kissing.

‘How did you like it? ‘

‘Mmm, pretty good.’

‘Oh, only good.’

‘Well, you could have used more force.’

‘Oh really? Ok, I will remember that.’

I let the whisky carry on its effect.

‘Do you like to watch porn?

‘I love porn. I watch it all the time.’

‘That’s good.’

‘I get most of my best moves from it.’

Her eyes open slighlty wider as she takes this in.

‘Do you like licking pussy?’

‘Yes. I do it all the time.’

‘Can you come a lot or just once?’

‘I usually come only once, unless we have sex for a long time.’

‘Hmmm. How long do you last for?’

‘I can last for at least thirty minutes.’ No lie, I really can.

She opens her legs under the table and i get a decent glimpse of thigh.

So, what porn have you been watching?

‘A lot of older women porn.’

‘Yes?’

‘So there are a lot of older women in porn. I don’t mean milfs exactly. i’m talking about older women who just decided to have sex on video because it’s always been a fantasy of theirs.’

‘Mmm, I get it. Is it hot?

‘It can be very hot. They are real women, amateurs. That’s the point. Some might have had some surgery, but most are natural. You can see their lines, blemishes and wrinkles. I’m not so interested in perfect-looking people.’

‘I’m interested.’

‘It’s great. the guy interviews the woman for ten minutes, asking her about her experiences. That’s often the hottest part. And when they are having sex, the guy doesn’t disrespect the woman or slap her around, he just has sex with her in the most erotic way possible.’

‘You’re making me hot.’

‘Ha ha.’

‘What do you want to do to me?’

‘I want to come on your face, I want to see it there on your chin, setting like a glaze.’

‘Wow.’

‘And then I want to watch as another girl slowly kisses you and licks it off.’

‘Oh that would be hot. But we don’t have another girl here, you’ll need to make do with me.’

‘I won’t be able to do anything, but watching the two of you, I can get hard again. What do you like in porn?’

the cumshot is hot. I like to see a man cum on a woman.’

‘How does it feel when he does it on you?’

‘She kicks her legs up and positions them on my lap.’

‘It’s fucking hot. I don’t mind where he does it. It just feels so good when it shoots out. Where do you like to do it?’

‘I like to cum on her stomach or her breasts, and watch it roll down her body.’

‘Men can’t come so much as women, can they?’

‘No we can’t. We need to work hard and then it’s just a small amount that comes out.’

I wonder what it feels like? When you orgasm?

‘It’s quite sudden. Everything feels tight, and then it’s loose, and you get a wonderful sensation as you start to orgasm. How is it for women?’

‘It’s a little different for women. We take longer to warm up. Our bodies start to tingle and we get wet. It’s like a light that gets brighter and warmer inside us.’

Are you feeling it now?

‘I’m feeling hot. Hearing you talk about coming on me made me hot inside. I want to feel you inside me.’

‘I’m feeling horny too.’

‘Is it so hard?’

It’s getting hard.

She stands up and comes over to me.

‘let me touch it.’

She puts her hand over me and holds it firmly.

I can get bigger if you suck me. Today I watched a totally awesome young Vietnamese woman take a guy’s balls in her mouth as she used her hand to get him hard. Will you do that for me?

‘I’ll try my best.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Have you had enough to drink?’

I look at the empty glass.’

‘We better get going, it’s nearly midnight and you haven’t fucked me yet.’

‘You’re right. Happy New Year!’

China Love Cupid – dating site review

If you’re like me and you love Asian girls, you’ll want to do everything you can to meet as many of them as you can. When it comes to meeting girls abroad, you need to check out the dating sites. About the biggest one in terms of members is the lovecupid site. Signing up to make a profile is really easy. They break things down into categories where you can list your age, ethnicity and background. Then you can go into more detail, and do the same for the kind of things you are looking for in your partner. What I like about this site is it’s so straightforward. You can search girls based on certain parameters. Not only that, but the ‘online chat’ allows you to find girls who are online and available to chat.

Sign up cost

Like any dating site that you will want to join, you need to pay a membership fee to be able to access the benefits of the website. China Lovecupid charges a monthly fee for access to most of the features. You’ll need to pay this to send messages and reply to girls who message you. Premium membership is currently £11.00 a month, billed in one payment of £131 a year. I opted for the standard membership which is a little cheaper.

The girls

So once you’ve signed up, you want to get to know the girls. For me, China Cupid has the most girls of the various sites in the LoveCupid dating media. Not surprising really, as China is massive. Girls are eager to get chatting right away, and here it pays to be a white man from England or USA. The girls on here are 90% really good, with a few probable fakes. looks play a big part for a lot of women who are open about their wish to marry and start a family. Quite a few of the photos look very staged, with a lot of editing clearly having been done. That said, once you get to know them, ask them to show you some more recent photos of themselves.

Messaging

You can send messages on tinder and OkCupid and get no reply, but here women respond straight away.

I had several message me upfront. Often, they will send fairly generic messages along the lines of ‘I would like to get to know you more’. But you can soon move things forward, and after a few messages, you will need to get their WeChat to make things more intimate. Don’y be surprised if the girls start messaging you often, asking how you are, sending photos of themselves. It’s a reminder of how different the dating culture is in Asia. Another thing you will find is just how many women using the site are divorced, even the younger ones. The stigma against divorced women is where it really pays to sign up. Whereas most men in China won’t touch a married woman, I like to feel that westerners are more open-minded. Most women have been very open about why they are looking for western men.

For me, I have at times struggled to focus, because of the sheer volume of women. But you can narrow things down so that you focus on women from a particular region. I have found that women from Gangzhou province are particularly warm, friendly, and sexy. On the other hand, women in Shanghai and Beijing seem slightly more aloof and more difficult to impress.

Verdict.

Any site has to be judged on the quality of its members. ChinaCupid really delivers. The youngest girls I’ve chatted to are 19, going up to 70. I’ve chatted to a few milfs, still looking good in their fifties. On the whole, I have had the most success with women in their mid twenties to early thirties. Most of the women have enough English to send messages and a few will ask for video chat too. You’ll want to join this site if you are planning a trip to China. Which is exactly what I will be doing next year.

Zia

I met Zia at one of the outdoor film screenings in London in the summer. She has a very cute face with well-sized brown eyes. Sometimes she wears glasses, which complement her general demeanor, which I would describe as sexy-anime style geek. I first thought she might have been from the Philippines but she is actually from China. The best thing about her are her large, double D breasts, which she likes to show off in a range of low-cut dresses and tops. I went on a couple of dates before taking her home with me.

I got her to sit facing me, and I pulled her closer to me. As we kissed, I felt her soft tongue on mine. I caressed her upper body and she began to moan loudly. I thought she was going to lose her balance so I led her to the bed.

All night I had been staring at her breasts, which seemed to be barely covered by her play-suit. I pulled it down from the back to reveal her pink two-tone bra. I caressed her breasts for a while over the material and enjoyed the sensation. Eventually I had to see them properly/. they really were some of the best breasts I have seen – soft, well-proportioned and with areolae that are good sized. When you get an Asian girl with large breasts you need to pay them a lot of attention and this was how it was on this occasion. I rubbed them with both hands and kissed them all over. I took Zia and positioned her on top so that I could get a good view of them, and let them brush up against me.

Zia carried on moaning and I could tell that she enjoyed the attention she was getting. I had already taken off my clothes. It was time for fucking. Zia took hold off my cock and stroked it for a while until it was hard. I pulled down her underwear and could see that she had a lot of pubic hair. I’ve been with several Chinese girls – enough to know that this is normal – but you might need to adjust your expectations.

By now I was very hard and I couldn’t wait to get my cock inside her. Zia was tight but I was able to get inside her nearly all the way, she started to moan that it was really hard. Zia started to grind herself against me, and then she was asking if I liked her. I enjoyed having Zia’s breasts banging against me so much that I forgot to change things up. Luckily I managed to take her from the side for several strokes, getting a decent grasp of her glorious breasts as I did so. I was feeling really horny – the combination of Zia’s lovely breasts and skin was knocking me out. I pulled out and moved zIA on her back. I use missionary when I am nearly ready to come. I like to be able to look at the girl and hold her hands whilst kissing her at the same time. Soon, I was coming. I let Zia carry on thrusting against me for a while afterwards as I filled the condom.

Verdict: satisfying sexual encounter. I loved Zia’s body – some Chinese girls are very small but Zia’s body had a slight layer of fat that made her very soft and her breasts were superb. If you get a girl with big tits and a smallish figure you are just golden. I would have liked it if she could have been a little more dominant, but all in all it was a great night with her.

New post

I was going to tell you about my latest sexual adventures. Then I thought you were probably tired of hearing about that. But I still need to write my regular blog post.

Last week I watched a concert performance by Eddie Murphy called ‘Raw’. Filmed in the eighties, when Murphy was the massive star of Beverly Hills Cop, it’s a stand-up performance that broke records when it came out. Not only is Eddie Murphy a brilliant comic, with perfect timing in his set-ups, Eddie Murphy is able to work his audience to just the right level so that his jokes always land where they should.

The show also uses language that I suspect wouldn’t be as socially acceptable today – particularly when it comes to women. In fact, whilst some of the jokes are likely to be misogynistic now, they get as much applause from the women in the audience as the men.

Then, curiuous about other black comics, I watched the famous ‘Black People Vs Niggas’ from Chris Rock’s massive ‘Bring the Pain’ tour. It’s scary how much truth there is. Watching it feels like being given a massive sociology lesson whilst laughing really hard at the same time. Once again, the language used (in particular, the word nigga, would get Chris Rock thrown in jail if he did the same act today), but the segment is so true in a way that most stand-up isn’t. Why don’t more black celebrities go down the road of highlighting the flaws of many black people? If blacks are treated with prejudice, it’s only because some blacks act in ways that invites poor treatment, and lack of respect. I guess no-one wants to alienate their audience. I watched Kevin Hart. Although he was good, I don’t think he can ever match the savage emotional truth of Eddie Murphy or Chris Rock. But then, few comics can.

The fact is, we are living in times when people find offence all around them, and it’s ruining freedom of expression. Movies are being watered down, with limited nudity, sex scenes or bad language. People are so stroppy and highly strung. I long ago stopped dating white girls. They are far too picky and always find something to complain about. Take this one girl who blanched when I delicately proffered splitting the bill at a restaurant. I didn’t meet her again after that. And even when I talk with white women, I sense a real real reluctance for open conversation or intimacy. It’s hard to talk to them without a reason first. And flirting is almost impossible! Meanwhile, girls from Japan and China don’t care about splitting the bill, will happily have sex on the first date, if that’s what they want. So if you’re tired of political correctness, feel like you can’t speak your mind, or that there’s no one to have sex with, look east. Look east and don’t look back.

The real reason people teach English abroad

Say what you will about teaching english abroad, it gets all kinds of comments online. Whatever you think about it, it’s been popular as a way for college students to delay their responsibilities some more, or to experience living abroad. But there’s one reason why so many decide to and teach in South Korea, Japan, China and Japan. Specifically, if you’re young and male, you’re going to be getting a lot more attention from women than you would at home.

That’s not what people put down on their supporting documents when they write their applications. Oh no. It’s all about expanding your horizons, giving something back, doing something they love.

Now I think about it, it’s not just for teaching. It goes for men travelling in Asia generally. Just imagine spending your entire life being made to feel worthless, not good enough for any woman you dare to approach. And then finding women who not only find you attractive, but are happy to have relationships with you as well, simply because they enjoy your company. I’ve heard of men who say that after going to Asia they will never date a white girl again.

Equally, I’ve encountered many women in Asia who are largely ignored because they don’t fit into the rigid boxes that society makes for them. Or they don’t have exactly the right physical attributes that men in those country expect women to have.

One day I’ll lose my hair, but it’ll be ok because I’ll look like Jason Statham.

Sometimes I see mismatched couples, usually when she is much more attractive than him. There are a few instances of Asian girls dating white guys that look just like Moby (thank you, Awkwafina). but many Asian women know their worth and are dating very attractive white guys. I don’t need to drive the point home too much. The evidence is all around. Geeky white guys (who stood watching everyone getting off with each other at parties) are going to Asia and marrying banging girls who end up coming back with them. If this were a movie it would be the feel-good hit of the year. But it’s not – it’s real life, and everyone’s winning in this love story.

English teaching in Korea

Did you ever think about teaching in South Korea? These days, it’s so popular, I can imagine there is a surplus of teachers and that competition for good positions is dropping.

Back in 2016, I was interviewed by the company EPIK, with a view to teaching in 2017. When I failed to be chosen, I looked at other companies before getting a job with Pagoda. Whilst I was disappointed I couldn’t place with EPIK, who seem to have the best reputation for English teaching, I think I did well to work with Pagoda. The class sizes were really nice, and I got on well with the majority of my students. By that I mean I struck up some really good relationships and got to know them outside the classroom too.

Whilst I did find living in South Korea difficult, none of it was caused by Pagoda. When they decided not to renew my contract, I was disappointed. Looking back, I probably didn’t give it as much effort as I could have. I was lucky to have laid-back students and a light schedule. Many people might look at English teaching as the kind of job anyone can do, it’s the teachers who work the hardest and have the most professional attitude that are kept back every year.

I enjoyed my time in Korea. I probably wouldn’t work again as an English teacher unless I had the freedom to choose my students and a choice of material. There are too many good teachers in South Korea, and it is my understanding that recruiters have a bias towards teachers who are female and under thirty.

My verdict: a good job for those prepared to really put the effort in. In a hagwon you’ll be with professionals who will have a work ethic that will put you to shame. Get used to criticism. Some of it will be harsh and unfair. I was told that the students all loved the outgoing teacher and that I should try to teach like her. It wasn’t the best advice and made me doubt my own abilities. Koreans don’t always speak openly and may act as though everything is fine whilst they criticise you to the hagwon manager. I sometimes regret choosing South Korea over Japan, but that was the choice I made.

Flight of fantasy

The plane seemed to have been travelling forever. They had been in the air for a few hours, but the time seemed to be going more slowly up there. The plane had made it’s ascent from a London airport a few hours ago, at 2:30 local time. Now it was impossible to know where exactly the plane was, there was nothing outside the window to indicate the country they were flying over. Only two hours earlier, the food trolley had wheeled its way down the aisle and he had selected his meal.

Now he was well into the flight. He had taken his shoes off and was enjoying the in-flight entertainment system. The movie was about a father who had become reunited with his daughter after many years apart. What made it more moving was that the daughter only had a few months to live. When he got to the end of the film he felt like crying.  HE gazed around at the other passengers. They were all absorbed in their various activities. Some were trying to sleep, their neck pillows awkwardly positioned in the headrests. Others were looking at their laptops. They didn’t seem very interesting to him. HE wondered why so few people really cared about their journey, or where they were flying to. The flight attendants had served everybody in great time, and had poured the coffee as he was still eating his steak. He looked at his watch. Local time was 7:30 and he didn’t feel very sleepy. In fact, the coffee had given him jolt of extra energy. Sat in his chair, he felt restless, his body did not want to be still.

He decided to get up and explore. The plane was not entirely full. There were several empty seats around him. In fact, it was not often that there were so many seats on an international flight. There were usually several children and a crying baby that would stay up on the journey. Surprisingly, this time there were no children on board. In fact, most of the passengers were travelling alone and weren’t the usual holiday-goers. The other thing he noticed about them was they didn’t have much luggage with them. Usually travellers carried bags of duty free, they had bags of shopping and various carry on. But this flight was different. They had boarded with minimal luggage, and more to the point, they were exceptionally    quiet, which was odd for people going on holiday who would normally be excitedly talking about their destination.
The flight attendants were all female. He didn’t expect this to be so but it was always pleasant when they were, and occasionally he flew with other airlines and was shocked to find men serving amongst the women. 1

“Can I get you any drinks?”

Usually the use of ‘get’ in this way bothered him but right now he was enjoying the experience of being served by this woman that it was too much for it to bother him. The attendant had to lean over him to pass his glass of wine to him and the feeling of her apron against his shirt made him tingle with pleasure.

Would you like me to bring you something else?” she asked him?

He thought for a moment. There were lots of things he would have liked to get from her. She was wearing a bright red apron with embroidered patterns on it. Her dress was regulation length but he could see that she had good legs. Here height was at most 170cms (and he didn’t mind; he had never liked tall women anyway.

Then he heard an announcement over the plane’s loudspeaker.

“This is your captain speaking. We are currently experiencing some turbulence, Please stay in your seats and keep your seatbelt fastened.”

HE watched as the flight attendants quickly got back to their seats, which were somewhere at the back of the plane.

He hoped that the turbulence would be over quickly. As he fastened his seatbelt, he thought what a wonder it was to be flying. There was no other transport that came close. It was when he was in an aircraft that he felt he could relax properly, a place where no one could get to him. He enjoyed being up in the sky for several hours at once. Time seemed to stop. The plane started to shake violently. It must have been a storm that caused it to flap around so much. Whatever it was, he thought about the flight attendants in the plane. Where did they go at times like these? On a ten-hour flight, he only saw them during take-off and when they were serving the in-flight meals. There weren’t any seats back in economy for them to properly lay down in.  Unless there happened to be some private rooms tucked away, they must have been sitting in cramped seats no bigger than the one he was sitting in at that moment.

AS the plane began to steady itself, he waited for the seatbelt sign to be switched off so that he could move about on the plane. He also wanted to see where the special flight attendant was sitting so that he could talk to her again. Would she be wearing her high-heeled shoes? Or would she have slipped them off? Feet could swell, he knew, although he couldn’t imagine this would be a big problem for her. If she was relaxing, would she be sleeping, or was she required to stay awake for the entire duration of the flight? It led to other questions. Where did they change clothes? How did they use the bathroom, and where did they store their bags? All these were a mystery to him. So he decided to take a look for himself. It wasn’t too hard as there were plenty of seats at the back of the plane that were empty. He wandered back where the flight attendants were seated and thought of what he would say to them.

I’m wondering if you could pour me another drink, he asked her. I know drink service has finished but I’m parched and this is a long-distance flight so-“

“What would you like?”

“I would like a gin and tonic.”

The drink would need ice cubes, which had to be scooped out from the bowl at the bottom of the trolley. It was a good thing he didn’t mind waiting.

Heard the sharp hiss of the carbon dioxide in the tonic water rise out of the bottle. The flight attendant was so tall that she had to lean over the drinks table. He thought she looked extremely sexy in her uniform; her stockings shimmered in the dim light of the cabin whilst her face took on an air of studied concentration as she measured the gin and filled the glass.

Waiting for the drink was part of the satisfaction, and when it finally arrived he was more than ready for it.

“ would you like something to go with it?”

He thought for a moment.

“I’ll take some nuts if you have them.”

She picked up some nuts and put them on a steel plate, handed them to him, and took hold of the trolley again.

Stop a minute, he told her. Why don’t you sit down with me? If you have time I mean.

She looked at him, assessing the situation.

“Well, I don’t suppose that would be a problem for just a few minutes…”

The flight attendant squeezed into one of the seats (she really was tall) and he got in beside her. She was like a praying mantis with her legs perched up high towards her arms.

A minute later they were talking about how she got to being an airline worker; whether she liked the job or not.

“It’s funny, when I was younger I never went on holidays. I was always afraid of flying and for that reason I decided to overcome my fear, and this seemed like the best way of doing that.”

Yes, they said that if I took a stimulator first it would allow me to experience the feeling of being in an airplane without leaving the ground.

The noise of the plane’s engine started to get very loud and it felt as though it was moving faster now. Just as he finished his drink the plane began to move upward some more and he felt the pressure in the cabin increasing.

“I want to learn how to pilot a plane one day, when you’re in control of the plane it must be a wonderful feeling to be taking people on a journey somewhere exciting.”

He looked around at the passengers. They were all sitting by themselves and he noticed that there were no children on board either. He started to feel strange and he wondered why this was happening.

“ Where is this flight going?” He asked after a gap in the conversation.

“It’s not going anywhere, we’re flying for an unlimited time until passengers decide they want to leave.

“Then what happens to them?”

Usually when a passenger has grown tired of eating all the food we send another jet to come and collect them and get them to the nearest airport.”

So the rest of the passengers are not really flying anywhere?

“Exactly. Most of our passengers are perfectly content to stay on board as long as two weeks. They have everything they need on board anyway, and they are much safer up here than on the ground.”

“But don’t they get bored?”

You would think so, but many of our passengers have been coming back for several years. “

He looked out the window. Whether it was day or night was impossible to tell. The air he was breathing in was neither fresh nor stale. Every hour the cabin was refreshed with new “air” from the tanks, to stop the air becoming stuffy and to minimize the spread of germs in the air.  

He read somewhere that time moved slower at the top of a mountain than it did on the flat land. In that case, was time moving at all when you were flying in the air, when it was only night for a few hours until it became day again?

 It was a strange way to spend a holiday, never visiting anywhere; but people did all kinds of crazy things on holiday.

“Well, how long do you think I should spend up here?”

“That depends. Did you wish to speak to any of our flight attendants? You can arrange to have dinner in the private dining area if you want to.”

Suddenly the idea of being alone on the aircraft was starting to get improve.

“Would it be possible to have dinner with you?” He already felt comfortable with her even though they had only been talking for twenty minutes.

I’m having dinner

“Yes that will be fine. But will you let me tell you something first? I usually say know when people ask me to have dinner with them. “

“they must really ask you a lot then.”

“They do. But that’s not why I turn them down.”

 Im aware that men look at me in a certain way, maybe they have a fantasy about me based on my appearance, but it’s not how I am in person. I would hate for you to get the wrong idea about me.”

He picked up his bag and went to the washroom. There were the usual assortments of toiletries, hairbrush and toothbrush for him to use. He thought about changing his clothes but then he decided he was fine the way he was. Actually, he was feeling confident and he probably could have changed into the dressing gown and been ok like that. He wouldn’t normally have been so confident, of course. But the fact she had said yes, just like that, made him feel so much better about things. 

Lena was wearing slim-fitted black jeans that matched the colour of her hair. She had paired her top with a sexy patterned scarf and black choker. She looked much less formal than when she was in her flight uniform, but he was just as attracted to her now, if not more.

They were sitting in a small back room in the plane, with a large table and several chairs positioned around it. The usual hum of the plane’s engines could not be heard and the room was hushed and quiet.

‘So is this where you do your flight attendant work?’ he asked her?

“We do most of our safety exercises and procedures here.”

“It sounds so interesting. I’m sorry that they don’t do the pre-flight safety demonstrations any more. I used to enjoy watching those, it was always interesting seeing their expressions as they mimed the use of an inflatable safety vest….”

“We find that most passengers prefer to watch a recorded video instead of focusing so much on a flight attendant. The eye contact makes them feel uncomfortable and they don’t know where to look.”

“Maybe I understand, but it’s going to take me some time to get used to this new way of doing things.”

“What is it you miss about the way it used to be done?”

“The amount of dedication they had for their craft, and they way they could perform with a sense of theatre.”

She smiled.

“Did I do that when I poured your drink just now?”

“ you really put all your effort in to it.”

“Besides, air travel has changed in so many ways. The way passengers board the plane, the safety requirements and the lack of space.

DO you know how much the standard seat width has shrunk since the 1960s?

He looked at his glass of wine and admired the slender stem. They had clearly thought a great deal about the tableware they provided. It wasn’t just that they were nice glasses, but that they were the perfect shape for the table and could hold just the right amount of liquid.

“I’m not sure.”

“Well, it’s a lot. Standard seat width for a commercial flights is now thirty inches. Many of our customers request seats with extra legroom but we can’t offer them anything unless they sit in the emergency exits, or First class. Well, we’d like all passengers to have the same standard of comfort but unfortunately that’s not always comfortable. So we can only give them these reduced-space seats at the back of the plane.

“Well, let’s see what we have for dinner. Are you hungry?”

He looked at the menu which was printed in extra fine font on slightly crinkled paper.  It was the usual mishmash of international food. For the appetiser they were offering seared prawns with simmered avocado qenelles. The mains looked more interesting. The fish was red snapper, grilled and served with a hot wasabi dressing. Meat was a loin of pork with grapefruit jam and chorizo.

It was the kind of food that would be difficult to reheat without losing all the texture. They must have had an amazing team back there in the kitchen if they could produce this kind of food.

“I will have the prawns, followed by the pork. That’s it.”

It was nice eating in a plane; you only had two options and either one was likely to be as good as the other so that he never felt any misgivings about his choices.

‘You know something,” he said to her as she was pouring the wine; ‘I’ve never had a bad meal on a plane.”

“Really? I’m happy to hear it, but you don’t have to be so polite with me.”

“No, I’m serious. Everything has always been fresh, served at the correct temperature, well-presented…. You’d be amazed by the number of restaurants that can’t get that right.”

“We just want everything to be just right for our guests.”

‘But now I think about it, there’s not much they could do if I did’t like the food. I suppose I could try asking for another one. But it’d be exactly the same anyway…”

“Yes, we’d only be able to offer you the same dish cooked exactly the same way.”

The plane carried on flying cruise control. It was almost as if it was following a pre-determined course.

“Do you ever get tired of flying? He asked her.

“Why do you ask me that?”

Just being stuck in the air. Only seeing the airports and never going anywhere exciting.”

“Well we get three days off after every ten. That usually gives us some time to do something exciting.”

“What about when you’re on the plane? All those stupid passenger requests and screaming babies. It would be enough to tip me over the edge.”

“That’s why I’m only working these planes.  I only serve single passengers like you. Besides, we get used to serving difficult passengers after working a few weeks.”

“Do you? That’s interesting….”

He didn’t know what to say next. He admired the curvature of her neck. It was amazing how unique a woman’s body was; there were always different body parts that drew to his attention. As well as being aroused by the whole package, he was able to be stimulated by very specific features as well. Lena’s ears were long, shaped like treble clefs, and her mouth was so enticing he felt that he could fall into it.

“Aren’t you ever afraid of the plane crashing, or having engine failure?”

“Of course, it goes through my mind. We have the best safety measures in place, but there’s always the possibility that something may go terribly wrong. If it does, then we would need everybody off the plane as quickly as possible.”

“You would let the passengers off the plane first, or would you rush past them to the emergency exits?”

“We would be required to make sure that everyone was able to reach the doors first, otherwise we wouldn’t be doing our jobs. But I’m sure that some people would not be so altruistic as that.”

“You’re damn right they wouldn’t. It would be everyone for themselves; but that’s not what always happens on flight disasters, with many heroic examples of bravery from members of the cabin crew, I’ve come across so many.
And that’s not all.”

“We don’t have to talk about this any more. That’s a hell of a dress that you’re wearing.”

“Would you like to go somewhere else to talk? There is a room out back which is much quieter for us, and would give us more privacy. I can go there with you if you like, and we can continue the conversation.”

They went into another room that was even more luxurious than where they had been before. There were gilt tables with decorated wine glasses on them and pictures of celebrities who had flown in the plane before him.

“Would you like to hear some music?”

He thought it seemed like a good idea. He had never been on a plane when they were playing music and he thought it seemed such a good plan.

“What are you going to play me? Something ambient like “Little fluffy clouds?” Or music for airports?”

“Who is that by? Brian Eno? I don’t think I know that one.”

“Whenever I’m flying, I always imagine something very ethereal and almost ghostly like Enya or something very solemn and funereal.”

“Ghostly? Hmm, I think I know what you’re getting at. But we don’t like our passengers to be led down such a path where they could be depressed, or think about the supernatural.”

She went over to the music system and pulled out one of the discs.

 As soon as he heard the opening bars, he identified the music.

“A little Night music?”

“Yes. Very well known but it adds something when you hear it on a plane.”

Indeed, it sounded so light; the strings were pulling him higher in the air.

“Do you want to know something about the other passengers?”

Like what exactly?

“Haven’t you noticed anything a little unusual about them?

“They look like typical business passengers.” And it was true, they did.

“What if I said that they are in fact all aliens, travelling back to their own planet after a long time abroad.”

“I’d say that you were crazy. I would never believe you in fact.”

She laughed.

“yes, I knew you wouldn’t believe it, because they look so normal. That’s why we chose them. They blend in perfectly, don’t they? Nobody would ever know.”

What am I doing here? Am I the only human here?”

“No of course not. There are all of the other attendants. As well as me.”

He looked at her carefully.

“That’s a relief.”


“So what happens now? Does the plane travel far? Couldn’t that take a very long time?”

“Do you want to go back home, is that it?”

“Eventually, sure.”

“You can leave any time you want. Just open one of the doors.”

He looked around himself. There’s no way I’d make it alive, he thought to himself.

“So are you going to stay on the plane after all?”

“It’s not so bad. I can get all the food I need here. And the in-flight entertainment that you provide leaves little to be desired.”

“You’re ok about the aliens?”

“They just look like normal passengers.”

“Yes, they’re really harmless. Like good-natured tourists.”

“Well, most of them are. We haven’t had any problems so far. We try to give them what they want, that way everyone’s happy.”

The plane kept on going. The alien’s home planet was thousands of light years away and it was months until they landed. As it happens, he’s still on the plane, somewhere, someplace, some time.

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