Tag Archives: men

Sexless Korea

Is it possible that I got it wrong about Korea? Specifically, that it’s really easy to get with women if you’re white?

Whilst there are those who would say otherwise, here are a few reasons why it’s actually hard, really hard, to get even a date here as a foreign male.

  1. The culture is totally different. Yes, it’s obvious, but any of the rules in other countries don’t apply here. The hook-up culture is not the same. For example, Tinder is used as much to make friends as it is for actual dating (or so I’m told).

Some Korean women won’t date foreigners. You could have excellent Korean, be successful and good-looking, but some Korean women won’t date you because you’re not Korean. Although you will see WMAF couples, you won’t see many really top-level Korean women going out with anyone not Korean. As much as I hate it, it’s just a fact of life here.

The clubs are as much for dancing as they are for meeting people. On the two occasions I have been to clubs, I saw that most people were staying in gender-segregated groups. Men were definitely not approaching woman to dance. It would be completely different back home. It’s even harder to approach people in bars, because people sit on separate tables and don’t even place their orders at the bar. Although there is less opportunity to take a girl home here (most people still live at home) Koreans use the same phrase for one night stand, showing that they are at least aware of the concept.

Koreans have a rigid dating culture, and to approach someone randomly on the street, or in a cafe, isn’t really done. Although I have tried it several times, in most cases I could feel that the women didn’t really want to have a conversation with me and made a point of moving on as soon as possible.

The sheer amount of foreign students and English teachers has made foreigners less of a novelty. In fact, I feel largely ignored here, and somewhat invisible, to the point where I can be in a room of Koreans and nobody will acknowledge me.

The possibility that women will feel judged if they go out with foreign men possibly puts them off approaching them in the first place.

Lastly, the fact is that there are some sickos out there who will date a korean woman and flood sites with articles like ‘Korean women are easy’. This sort of thing does nobody any favours. Whilst you must always take something like that with massive grain of salt, whether it’s even true – and ask yourself whether someone who was actually sleeping with a lot of women would want to tell others about it online – it’s going to only make it harder for everyone.

One thing I am seeing is that there are much more Korean men with western women. I guess its because men are much more comfortable dating out of their culture than women here.

Meanwhile any men moving to South Korea in search of easy sex should do an instant reality check.

Is she really going out with him?

What’s your reaction when you see a good looking woman? Maybe you celebrate the fact that you have seen someone very special. Or rejoice in seeing someone who brightens up your day.

If you’re like me, you feel a mixture of attraction and depression. Its usually based on the feeling that you’re never going to be able to get with that woman that leads to the conclusion that you are inferior and not good enough.

but what’s worse than simply seeing a very attractive (unapproachable) woman is seeing her with a partner. At least if you see a woman on her own, you can reassure yourself that you might be able to spend time with her. But nothing can match the sheer awfulness of seeing an attractive woman with another man. Seeing this on a regular basis can really ruin my day. I’ve thought about seeking professional help for my inability to move on from this.

You might say it has something to do with the fact that I started dating in my late twenties. So whenever I see a young attractive woman I’m reminded of all the happiness I missed out on. I get mad seeing happy couples together because I never experienced that myself.

The other stumbling block I have is when I see an unattractive guy with a much more attractive woman. These combinations get me worked up because it seems against the order of things. But what can I do about it?

Actually, I’m ok with rejection. If I make an effort to get to know someone and they reject me its a different story. But I suppose if you never put yourself out there, you never know what you might gain.

Sex with Asian women

There are lots of ways that Asian women stand out from women of other races but for me the number one area is in the bedroom. It’s no accident that amongst prostitutes Asian women can and do charge higher prices than any other races. So what makes them so special?

First of all, it’s their attitude.

Many Asian women can appear pretty demure in terms of how they behave and act. You don’t see many women from Asian countries wearing miniskirts or high heels. But that doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy sex. They simply aren’t going to advertise it in the same way as other women do.

Next – mannerisms in the bedroom. Asian women are very subtle in the bedroom and in my experience this is one of the best things about them. I simply can’t stand the over the top way women of other countries shout at the top of their lungs during the act. I also don’t understand the appeal of talking dirty during sex which is just as well because I would be terrible at it.

Their consideration. I was recently with a Chinese woman who took my clothes off and neatly folded them and placed them in a neat pile before we made love. It told me as much about her as anything else she went on to do.

Thirdly, they are more likely to want to please you in bed. This includes before and after, and it’s common for girls to want to massage you afterwards as well, which is pretty awesome when you think about it.

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There are a lot of Asian porn stars who have become are very famous and you can get an idea as to what makes Asian women great from watching these videos. For a start, it’s clear that they are usually much more petite than western women.

Their sexual appetite is strong (I’m not sure if its higher than other races) and they are energetic too.On a physical level they have minimal body hair and their skin feels amazing.

It might seem hard to believe that it could be this great but there really is nothing to not like about the whole Asian experience. I mean really great. Prepare to have your mind and your body blown away.

Even if you feel inexperienced sexually by the standards of western women, you’re going to be with women from cultures where it’s unusual to start dating or having sex until their twenties. Don’t worry, about which country they come from. It’s going to be good whether you choose a women from Thailand, the Phillipines or Japan,or China (you get the idea).

The fact is that I did not have sex in my early twenties made me feel inadequate. I didn’t feel accepted by women in my country. Now I’m realizing that maybe it wasn’t anything wrong with me at all. If you’re a white guy and you’re constantly made to feel not good enough or lacking in some way, there is a simple solution: look east, young man. 

Men Without Women

Haruki Murakami: Men Without Women

Another Murakami book has been published, with this one being  his fourth collection of short stories.

I had a rush of excitement when I opened the cover and started reading the first story. Murakami creates a world of mystery in the most ordinary of settings. He can write the most ordinary of sentences, and then switch things up a gear with just a few words.

For example: “At any rate, his lucky life continued for some thirty years, a long time, when you think about it. But one day, he fell in love.”

Now, that’s a great sentence isn’t it? And it’s the same throughout the book, with these knockout lines coming out of nowhere.

Although we’ve become familiar with his world of Tokyo night owls, jazz and strange phone calls, its as though Murakami has deliberately removed any traces of the quirkiness of his famous novels.

The women seem to have come out of forties noir films and the male characters are tougher than usual. Murakami has always had an affinity with American authors and the book’s title recalls the same name of a collection of stories written by Hemingway.

What we get here are seven stories which test the short story format to its limit but nearly always succeed. Four of the stories, which appeared in the New Yorker are included, the knock-out here being Kino. The prose is as crisp as ever. Sample sentence: ‘There was a girl Kitaru had known since they were in elementary school together.’  This being Murakami, its going to be the kind of sentence that alerts us that things are going to become interesting. In Yesterday, the Murakami-like character remembers a friend who deliberately apes the working class Kansai dialect. He also sings Beatles songs. Things become highly intriguing when Kitamuru suggests to Tanimura that he start dating his girlfriend since he is too busy with his exams to be able to concentrate on dating her.

Here’s another one from Kino:

‘Kino remembered the first time the man had come to the bar.’

Kino starts with the most basic of ideas, of a man being left by his wife, and takes us on the most extraordinary journey. Many of his stories have a film-like quality (although directors have struggled to get his work to translate on screen. But Kino (which is German for cinema) would probably make for a great thriller. There’s a jazz bar, which only has two customers, and a sexy woman covered in cigarette burns whom Kino sleeps with. Then the story gets darker:

‘Fall came, and the cat disappeared. Then the snakes started to show up.’

The story is laced with a ready- made soundtrack of jazz records, where the  music is described to enable us to almost hear it being played: ‘Kino sat on a stool and listened to the Coleman Hawkins LP with the title track “Joshua Fit the Battle of Jericho.” He found the bass solo amazing.”

Those of us who have read Murakami’s work will also find his solos amazing. Although I only wish that the last story Men without Women could have been stronger. Not only stronger, but with more direction. It’s about a man who remembers a relationship he had with a woman who has just killed herself. Only the way Murakami describes it is not as interesting as any of the other stories. I got the feeling that even Murakami wasn’t sure where he was going with that one.

But what a collection otherwise. I felt as though some of these experiences had happened to me, and maybe there are universal truths here that everyone can relate to. A short story can feel like the writer didn’t have enough ideas for a book but only a few scraps of story ideas. But there’s more than enough here. And like a lost lover, we remember the stories long after the affair is over.

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Murakami’s novels are usually about lonely characters

 

What kind of men do Asian women go for?

If you’re a western guy and you’re interested in dating a girl from Asia, what are they looking for? I believe that all women are different but there are a few characteristics in Western men that I think Asian women are attracted to.

Number one: kindness. The ‘nice guys finish last’ concept doesn’t apply to Asian women. In fact, it would be a real disadvantage if you tried to treat them with a lack of decency. Most western women will play games, deliberately making men wait before calling or texting back. But Asian women will be constantly in touch with you and will expect you to call them frequently. The more you call them, or be in communication, the more they will like you.

Number two: men with a normal body shape. I mean, not the kind of gym-toned physique that is held up as the ideal shape amongst western men. I’m basing this solely on the guys I see dating Asian women. Now, maybe they are as attracted to these gym rats as Western women are, but it doesn’t seem this way, and I very rarely see someone with bulging biceps with an Asian woman.

Number three: unattractive, or plain, homely looking men. Maybe Asian women have  a different aesthetic when it comes to standards of male attractiveness, but I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve noticed the imbalance of physical attractiveness in a White male/Asian female couple. The kind of guys who get nowhere with women from their own country are able to get with out and out knockouts. I’ll keep talking about this until I start seeing a less attractive Asian woman with a more attractive white guy, but I haven’t yet. By the way, Korean-American comedian Margaret Cho has a great gag about very attractive Asian women with ugly white guys. You can watch it here:  

Number four: being an intellectual. In other words, you can be a geek, and it won’t be held against you. Why it would be a problem I don’t know. But most western women are idiots, so what can you expect? I feel that I’m not judged by Asian women if I prefer to stay in and read or learn a language instead of going out.

 

Diary of a romance Part 8

This is probably the last post I will write about xxxx.

No, we’re not breaking up. We’re getting on really well and things are going from strength to strength. I simply don’t feel the need to broadcast all the details onto the internet. A few people commented that it might not be the best idea to post anything overly sexual that the public might be able to read.

But my overall message is that although meeting people can feel really hard in a city such as London, you will never get anywhere unless you go out and meet people. I’m always saying that you can meet people anywhere you go. Look up and smile at the person near you. Don’t wait around for the perfect opportunity. It may not be obvious, but sometimes the person sitting near you actually wants you to come over and talk to them. Yes, it takes some courage to go over and approach a stranger.

You can try to do things the old-fashioned way by arranging meetings through dating sites. However this can to easily lead to disappointment and rejection.

I met xxxx in a Starbucks coffeeshop. If I hadn’t made the effort to talk to her, I might still be on my own. So there you go. Put down your phone. Turn off tinder. Go and make a handsome stranger’s day. Remember: loneliness sucks big time.