Quotes

Fresh off the Boat and Kim’s Convenience

Fresh off the Boat ended its run in February, more than five years since it originally started. For being the sole representation of Asians on TV, it has left an outstanding legacy. But there has been another Asian family TV show that has been gaining followers and fans – Kim’s Convenience.

The shows are superficially similar – both examine families living in a North American city and show how they sometimes struggle to fit in. But once you actually watch Kims Convenience you start to realise that it’s wrong to look at Kims expecting it to be the same as FOTB. It’s set in Canada, for a start, and Fresh was deliberately filmed in Florida of the nineties. The style of FOTB is very ironic and knowing – we can laugh at how things used to be. Kims is very much the show of now – it’s the present after all. Most of it is very realistic – which is not how FOTB unfolds, because Fresh is the product of a writer’s imperfect memories of growing up.

However much the actual Eddie Huang (writer of the book) complained that it removed the darker moments, the first season does a brilliant job delineating the first year that the Huangs spend trying to familiarise themselves with white collar Orlando. Perhaps the earliest episodes were a little weak comedy wise, but even by episode 6 they were getting into really exciting territory – tackling racist stereotypes head-on and looking at how hard it is to remain true to your culture.

Fresh used the nineties setting to give many fans a warm glow – the colours of the clothes and the glossy neighborhood setting always make for great TV. Each episode contained loving references to popular fads of the time. Whether it was Eddie’s love of Biggie and Tupac, or Evan’s Beanie Babies, the show was a lovely trip down memory lane for anyone who can remember growing up in the nineties.

Even more importantly – the show was often laugh out loud funny – by the time they made an episode actually filmed in Taiwan there were jokes every three seconds. Another great pleasure was had in watching the three Huang brothers growing up- the show caught the boys just as they were becoming interesting, and stopped when Eddie had finally matured into a young man.

It’s hard to find as much to like in Kim’s Convenience Store. The Kims seem to be accepted by everyone in their Vancouver neighborhood. There are no real conflicts here, except of the very trivial kind. The family want to hold on to their Korean heritage rather than embrace Canadian culture. There’s nothing like the So Chineez episode – where Jessica started speaking in Mandarin and cooked Chinese dishes. The Kims don’t need to do any of that – because people already accept them as they are. It may be an example of multi-culturalism, but it’s boring to watch a show when there are no conflicts.

Maybe for comedy to be successful, you need an element of cultural snobbery, or humiliation. But the characters in Kim’s are tolerated all the time, even when they make cultural faux pas. Also , the characters are too down to earth to be really memorable as sitcom characters. If the Kims are funny , it’s mostly down to the strong Korean accents, rather than any external situations. There’s nobody as comically brilliant as Jessica Huang -who may have been overplayed but was always recognisably human.

As for the writing, FOTB was much stronger. Every episode followed a classic sitcom arc of problem, resolution, and pay-off. There were cute jokes about Evan’s toys, Eddie’s lunch, or how much Jessica loved Costco. Also, the influence of the wicked humour of Ali Wong was much in evidence. There was the ‘Asian Flush’ episode, which Wong made a brief appearance in, for example. Then there were the Christmas episodes with Jessica’s model villlage and her Lao Ban Santa costume. Some of the best involved mocking Asian customs such as Chinese New Year, and their love of Asian sports stars. There were double entendres, references to Chinese culture that would not always sink in immediately – and a whole soundtrack of old Hip-hop that would be used just at the right time.

Kims has stories which simply meander and fizzle out, there are no dramatic conclusions or very big lessons to learn. Take one episode in Season 1. An old flame of Amma’s arrives in the shop and Janet thinks that he is still interested in her. It could be exciting but he quickly explains that he is married. The storylines are weak – one episode climaxes with the characters getting food poisoning from a bad Korean stew. Episodes aren’t connected and could probably be watched in random order. FOTB was more enjoyable – it’s funny to watch children doing silly things – Kims can’t provide this – the best it can do is to have the characters learn something about themselves – Uppa realises he is too bossy, or the daughter asserts her independence.

I know exactly which show I would prefer to watch. Still, i’m not complaining – it’s always good to see Asians on TV; and maybe – just maybe – Kim’s can make new episodes which are up to the standard of Fresh.

Room Service

Room Service

I like to stay in the best hotels when I go on holiday, and I know where all the best ones are. Right now I’m in Tokyo, staying at the Mandarin Oriental. I like the privacy you get from being in a high-class hotel.
I don’t want to see any tourist places when I’m on holiday, and I definitely don’t want to bump into any tourists…

I check in at the lobby and I give my bags to one of the attendants. They make a light glide along the polished floors as the attendant pushes the button for the lift with a gloved hand……

I enjoy the conveniences that come from staying in a good hotel. I definitely don’t want to have to worry about anything for the whole time I am staying here.

I leave my bags in the room to be unpacked later. I grab a soda from the well-stocked minibar and enjoy its cold, refreshing effervescence.

I test the shower next. I take my clothes off and leave them in an untidy heap (to be neatly folded later). The water runs in steady streams across my body. I nearly slip on the tiled floor as I go to grab the bath robe with the hotel’s famous shell logo embroidered on it.I let it soak up all of the moisture on my body until I am fully dry.

I turn on the TV and there’s an old Humphrey Bogart movie that I haven’t watched before. It’s where he gets plastic surgery. It’s very entertaining. Next I watch an old re-run of Friends that I’m certain I haven’t watched before. I wonder to myself why they no longer make shows of this quality any more. The haircuts are dated but most of the jokes still work.

It’s beginning to get dark outside. Time for a swim in the hotel pool. There’s no one else in there except for an old man doing a slow breast-stroke up and down the side of the pool. I give him plenty of leeway and use the lane next to him. The swimming pool gives off a faint smell of sulphur and the light from the ceiling shimmers on the surface of the water.

I carry on swimming lengths for twenty minutes until my muscles are all fully stretched. I then sink to the bottom of the pool, holding my breath at the bottom for as long as I can manage until I must come up for air. The old man is still making his heavily labored lengths of the pool. I’m about to get out when I see a tall, elegant looking woman wearing a one-piece swim-suit carefully enter the pool.

She barely makes any waves as she carries out perfect front crawl strokes of the pool. Her arms stretch out in front of her and her face is looking directly ahead.

When she reaches the end of the pool she executes the perfect tumble-tuck, her body bending tightly into a ball as she kicks off for another length of the pool.

I start swimming again, matching her speed so that we both reach the end of the pool at the same time in different lanes.

I slow it down and swim a few lengths on my back, watching the strange shapes made by the ripples on the glass ceiling.

I watch her again as she makes her way down the pool for another circuit.

“You’re a great swimmer,” I tell her as she climbs out of the pool.

We take a coffee together in the hotel bar, and I note that although she is several years older than me, her age barely shows and her straight cut hair accentuates her heart-shaped face.

“Do you often travel by yourself,” she asks me?

It’s the kind of question only a woman could get away with asking but I answer casually and try to sound non-offended.

“I always travel by myself.”

“Don’t you feel lonely sometimes?”

“Everyone’s lonely,” I reply.

She takes a sip of her espresso, unable to think of a response.

“Which room are you staying in?”

“Room 106. Right over the river.”

“We’re on the same floor.”

“Then we must have a drink later,” I suggest.
“Let me finish my work, and then I will knock for you.”

We walk up to the lift together and I take her name (Chloe) and thank her for the coffee.

Upstairs I watch another movie. The Young and Innocent is a great early Hitchcock about lovers on the run. About halfway through watching, I hear a knock on the door. I open it and find Chloe standing right in front of me. Her legs are parted widely, and the light from my room shines through them in an inverted V-shape, her spiky heels digging into the heavily-carpeted floor. She bends her head round and looks disconcerted by the pile of clothes on the floor.

“I’m sorry, I never clean up when I’m on holiday.”

Chloe looks out of the window, seeing the bright lights of Tokyo lighting up the dark sky.

We walk downstairs to the hotel bar.

“I think I will have a cocktail,” I tell her.

The barman mixes a long Manhattan for her and a Southside for me.

“Did you go out anywhere the at all today?”

“I stayed here the whole time.”

“Don’t you feel bored all by yourself?”

“It’s not too bad,” I say. “I can always read a book.”

I go back upstairs and ask Chloe to join me.

“I’ll come in, but I won’t stay over.”

“Is that a promise?”

I laugh and grip her shoulders firmly.

Chloe takes off her dress and shoes and then climbs on to the bed to join me.

Soon we are kissing and she reaches down to stroke my cock.

“I normally have to do that myself,” I tell her.

The alcohol has affected me slightly but I stiffen up quickly at her touch. My balls feel heavy and full. Chloe starts caressing me and her heart-shaped face lights up.

Soon she takes me in her mouth and her mouth forms a perfect seal around my hard cock. She smiles at me as she makes a circle around it with her tongue.

I look at her and she looks directly back at me.

“Ready for fucking?”

“Not yet.”

She sucks again, almost deep-throating me.

With one hand I reach down and stroke her glorious wetness.

She takes away my hand and pulls me into her.

“Come on, that’s it. I’m coming,” she says.

……..

The next day I look for Chloe in the hotel. I take my breakfast at the hotel bar but I don’t see her anywhere.

The hotel is full of people going around their business: tourists with their day-glo sun visors to middle-aged business-men. But I ignore them all.

The next day I give up on looking for Chloe.

The hotel has other attractions. And with the internet, its possible to find anything you want, as long as you know where to look.

A quick search for escorts in Tokyo reveals any number of choices. I type in late thirties, Asian and get 500+results. I narrow it down to services such as OWO (oral without condom) and I get a smaller selection to work with.

I find one who looks good. I arrange for her to arrive this evening and tell the agency for her to come directly to my room.

When she arrives she is wearing a long belted coat and the customaty high heels. She has a slim frame but when she slips off her coat she reveals herself surprisingly well-stacked and with petite but full buttocks.

She looks around inquisitively at the large hotel room

“Don’t worry, there’s no one else around,” I say re-assuringly.

‘My name is Mina,’ she offers.

I detect a Chinese accent but the profile specifically said she was Japanese.

I lay the money outs in front of her, which she carefully counts and then puts in her pocket.

“That’s for one hour,” I say.

Immediately she shrugs off her coat puts it on a chair. She is standing in front of me, her underwear a pale blue colour.

Naked as can be after taking off her bra and knickers, she proceeds to take off my shirt and then unzips my trousers.

Soon we are both as naked as each other and we walk over to the large bed.

I carry her up on to the bed and I pull her on top of me. She is very light and her skin is silky smooth. She plants excited kisses on me all over and then feels around for my cock which has already swollen up completely to the full extent of its hardness.

Mina starts talking dirty in Mandarin and I pull out a condom and open it making a zig-zag perforation. Mina takes it from me and puts it on so skillfully that I feel nothing.

One of the reasons that I enjoy sleeping with prostitutes is that they always know exactly how to turn me on. She is soon on top of me and riding me magnificently. I’m ready for oral. Her eyes light up again and she pulls off the condom. She taps it one her mouth and then uses her tongue to flick the glans.

When I come I cover her face with shards of semen. She smiles and starts sucking again until I am hard enough to re-enter her.

……

I don’t know what happened to Chloe or Mina but I know one thing:

I had the best holiday ever, and I never had to leave the hotel once.

 

 

 

 

 

 

On Yellow Fever

These days you can’t get anywhere with out someone being called out for having yellow fever. Lets talk about what it means honestly, without resorting to ugly name-calling that usually comes out of discussions around this subject.

The term’s been around for a while and is similar to the derisory term Jungle Fever to describe white women who are attracted to black men. That term has largely disappeared but the term Yellow Fever has really sunk in and become a well-known term not used exclusively by Asian women, although most of them are no doubt aware of the phenomenon.

Let’s be 100% clear on one thing: the Inter-racial Asian/Caucasian couples which are so frequent these days are the total opposite of the cliche of the THAI bride (typically married to an older western man, usually unattractive and with limited options),since the women are from the same backgrounds, similarly educated, etc. Unfortunately, people still have the idea that western men are exploiting so-called submissive Asian women?

Unfortunately the submissive Asian woman is largely a result of Confucian culture in which women are raised to respect men and follow orders from them. No doubt there are some men who will find this behaviour attractive and this may be the reason why they are more taken by Asian women.

It must be admitted here that many men find American society to be incredibly rights based and libertarian. you can’t say or do anything without someone being offended. This has truly had a terrible effect on relationships, with 1 in 3 marriages ending in divorce.

I’d be prepared to bet that most women in modern inter-racial relationships are more intelligent and better-educated than their western male partners. Far from being submissive, most Asian women are very assertive, they simply have a different approach to dealing with say, their frustration and anger than most other women do. I don’t now how effective shouting is but most kinds of women still feel that this is the way to deal with relationship problems.

I’ve been spending time with Asian women for the last few years. I guess success breeds success because I’m making more and more friends with girls who happen to be Asian women. The thing is I know what I’m dealing with and it’s all very reassuring for me. I find that these women enjoy the same things I do and we are culturally similar in spite of being from very different countries I did some internet research on ‘yellow fever’ and it seems most people using it are some women who feel that men shouldn’t be attracted to them. And yet, what is a man supposed to do? When I was younger, I was attracted by blonde women who had large breasts (because this was what society held up as a beauty ideal). So I went after these women, even though I was disappointed when I found out that they weren’t what I had expected.  In life, you must go after what you want in order to be happy. Being around these women makes me happy and I’m in no mind to stop, despite what some people would no doubt put down to an unnatural fixation.

According to an article on the Harvard Crimson, ‘There is nothing wrong with being a white man who is attracted to Asian women. Many times, it is a subconscious desire that you can’t really control anyway.’

And the article was written by an Asian women, Nian Hu,

So there you have it.